Claring It Up

Archaic Office Tools: The Rolodex & Business Cards

2010-01-07T15:08:00.000-06:00

My company is in the process of moving offices, so I am in the process of cleaning up and packing my space. Today, I am considering the Rolodex that has been sitting in a dusty corner of my office for the past few years. It's full of business cards from former and current associates, as well as the business cards that the person that had this office before me had collected. It's a veritable museum of people in my industry from the last ten years.

As much as I like the idea of keeping these cards neatly filed in the Rolodex, it's an archaic way to keep up with contacts. I have my Outlook contact list, and several spreadsheets full of contact information along with multiple contact lists saved on company shared space on the internet and on network drives.

So, do I need my Rolodex? No, of course not. But...I want it. It's like the office equivalent of a photo album. Most of us still have business cards, and I feel like I need a place to put the ones I collect. I don't know what to do with them other than put them in the Rolodex. On the one hand, the Rolodex is completely outdated, but on the other, it has a function as long was we have business cards. Which begs the question of why, exactly, we all still have business cards.

I have no doubt that the business card is quickly becoming a thing of the past. Nothing so far, however, seems to have presented itself as the "killer app" for this particular business prop. Sure, we can trade contact information and record it in our smartphones, but nothing is quite the same as a physical record of your presence, complete with a logo, your title, and all of your contact information. It's quite low-tech, but it's convenient for the giver and the recipient...until the recipient gets home and has no way of filing the information.

I'm curious as to what other people do with the business cards they collect. Does anyone have a good filing system? Does anyone manage to go completely business card free? If you have a great idea for this, please let me know - I don't want to cart the Rolodex with me to the new office!

Hitting the Reset Button

2009-12-29T12:05:00.000-06:00

Since I've started on this part time school endeavor, I have realized that I have a lot more time than I thought. I spend a lot of it watching television and sleeping, but I also spend a lot of time at work and at school. Somewhere in there I also study, clean house, commute, socialize, and brush my teeth.

I have had the last three weeks off of school, and I've taken some vacation time from work. In true blogger fashion, I am still in my pajamas as I type this. In a couple of hours I will go to the gym, and then I will probably start on a way too involved dinner to take up the rest of the afternoon. School starts back up on Monday, and so does work. The goal is to be bored enough by Sunday night that I will return to both of those endeavors with zeal.

Of course, I am thinking about work. Not really enough that I'm going to check my emails quite yet, but enough that I'm already trying to plan out the most effective use of my time on Monday. I will also have to get started on my homework before then, but school almost seems like a pleasure when compared to playing catch up on all of the email that has inevitably clogged my inbox.

I keep reminding myself it will be there when I get back. Work is always there. The only way to stay sane is to step away for awhile, and maybe sleep till noon.

What, Exactly, Are You Trying To Do?

2009-12-11T15:27:00.000-06:00

I work with many different types of clients (my clients are television stations, but these ideas apply everywhere). The most illuminating realization I've had in the past six years is that many of my clients don't have end goals. They have no idea what the big picture, long term goal is. They may have little goals here and there or numbers to meet, but they've never thought about where they want their business to be in a year, five years or ten years. They've not thought about what they want next month. How, then, am I supposed to be successful for them? If my clients do not have an end goal in mind, what am I suppose to help them acheive?

It is way too easy to get bogged down in the day to day and lose track of what's important if you haven't set your sights somewhere out of the trenches.

It seems to me that if you're trying to grow your business (and who isn't? This is capitalism afterall.), you have to have benchmarks. The benchmarks act as a roadmap to your end goal. It is imperative that everyone in the organization needs to be informed of these end goals. Then, with the sights clearly set, everyone involved can help the corporation move in the right direction. The mini-goals can come from the inside, but the big idea has to come from the top down.

I am starting to wonder how rampant this lack of vision is. What other industries are plagued with a lack of clear goals? How many other people are out there, just like me, working their butts off to meet moving targets...or no targets?

Dream Studying

2009-12-08T12:30:00.000-06:00

When I was first learning how to touch type, I used to fall asleep, imagining typing out words. In my dreams at that time, I was almost always using a typewriter (image link for those of you who have never used one). And yes, I learned how to type on a typewriter even though it was the late 90s. It was still Kentucky, afterall.

The same thing happened when I was learning Spanish. I would fall asleep conjugating verbs and parts of my dreams would be in Spanish. In fact, many of my dreams were in Spanish that was more fluent than what I was capable of in my waking hours. (I guess in some dreams I can fly, too. Being fluent in Spanish is sort of lame by comparison.) When I was taking computer science, I used to dream about binary code and programming language, kind of like I was living in the Matrix.

I don't know why it came as a surprise last night that I was dreaming about accounting. I was dreaming in T-accounts and debits and credits. If only this dream was an indicator of how I was going to do on the final exam, I would feel good. Instead, I just feel kind of annoyed. I spent the entire weekend studying and now the subject is horning in on my sleep time.

At least I know my brain is working. So often when I'm learning a new subject, I have to learn by brute force for a few weeks before I actually start absorbing and synthesizing the information. I can't really be alone in that, but the first few classes are always tough because it's all just words or equations until the light bulb blinks on.

Am I the only person that dreams in Spanish, T-accounts, programming languages and typing? Surely not. Does your mind let you know it's working while you sleep with weird dreams?

What's Next?

2009-12-06T09:21:00.000-06:00

I am almost finished with my first quarter of school. I have had the pleasure of meeting quite a few very interesting people in the last few months. Over the course of that time, I have spoken to most of them about what they do for work at the present time, but I have had very few conversations about what my peers are going to be doing once they are finished with school.

I've been thinking about why that is, and I realized that most of the time I ask "what do you do," or "where do you work," and the conversation goes in that direction. I think I should be asking "what do you WANT to do," or "where do you WANT to work" to have better conversations with my classmates. The times I have remembered to ask those questions, I have had much better dialogues. After all, a person's dreams are much more revealing than their current situation. The janitor that dreams of being a pilot is going to have more to say than the janitor that dreams of his next coffee break, just like the student that has dreams of being a CEO is going to be more interesting than the student who dreams of taking a nap.

What's next, then? What do you want to be doing?

Management vs. Facebook

2009-12-04T12:09:00.000-06:00

We still aren't allowed to use Facebook at work. I'm guessing this isn't too abnormal, considering the amount of coverage internet privileges are given in the mainstrem media. Just this week, I overheard one of the directors at our company giving one of the most compelling arguments for allowing employees access to Facebook (along with the rest of the internet). Allow me to share:

The concern at my company with allowing access to Facebook has to do with productivity. Some upper level management feels that Facebook acts as a time suck. The argument the director was giving is that people who want to waste time are going to find a way to do it regardless of what's available to them. There have always been people who stay on task and get their work finished and those that choose to goof around and procrastinate.

It's a big part of management's job to keep members of their teams motivated and on task. If an employee is spending too much time on Facebook and you take that away, they will simply find another website on which to waste time. If you restrict all internet access, that employee will find other ways to waste time (personal calls, wandering around the office, doodling, building little animals out of paperclips, you name it). By restricting access to Facebook (and just Facebook), you are sending the message to the employees that do stay on task and get their work done that the company just doesn't trust them to use that resource. Granted, Facebook is still mostly a social interface, but there are times when we have used it for work purposes. Some of our customers are most reachable through Facebook, and when we had access to Facebook in the past, we were able to reach those customers much more easily via wall posts or Facebook chat than by phone or email.

It's a crummy mixed message, because as companies ask more and more of their employees with longer hours and pay cuts, they have also gotten rid of the perks that allow employees to blow off steam and take brain breaks. This double whammy stretches everyone's patience to the limit.

What's it like where you work? Are you given free rein on the 'tubes, or are certain parts blocked?

Little Things That Matter Big Time

2009-11-23T22:34:00.000-06:00

Alternate Title: Do Sweat the Small Stuff, wherein the author complains a lot about little things.

1) Punctuality: No one sets deadlines for fun. If you cannot be on time, let the person counting you know about it before you are late...and don't make a habit out of that. Being late puts the person waiting on you under additional pressure to meet his or her deadline. If you are a late person, fix it. You have the same access to calendars and clocks that everyone else does, and there are thousands of resources out there to help you schedule your madness.

2) The Handshake: I live in Chicago, so my hands are cold a lot. I also shake hands with new people pretty regularly. Guess what? I warn them that my hands are cold every time. There is absolutely nothing more off-putting than meeting someone, shaking hands, and encountering a moist, cold, fishlike thing at the end of that person's arm. A fair warning is common courtesy. Also, be aware that if you refuse to shake hands with without at least making an excuse like you've been sick lately, it's weird. Any business encounter that starts with an awkward wave has un uphill battle from that point on. Many many thousands of words have been written about the handshake. Read 'em, practice 'em, get it right!

3) Phone Manners: I would venture to say that my work communication has gone from 70% phone / 30% email to 30% phone / 70% email in the past two or three years. Please don't call and say "hey, it's me" or just "hi" with no name after it. Some of us (ahem) don't have caller ID (yes, this is totally archaic), but it's presumptuous to think that someone would recognize your voice after you've met maybe two times. Second, when you are at work, answer your phone like you are at work. For instance "Thank you for calling Company, this is Clare." That's nice, and it gives your caller time to gather his or her thoughts. Finally, if you have a common name, like Jennifer, please use your last name when you announce yourself. My old boss told me once that the only women that go by just their first names are strippers. If you are a professional stripper, go for it, if you are a professional anything else, use both names. I'm not saying that you aren't unique and wonderful, I'm saying that I can't recognize your voice over the phone, I have no caller ID, and I work with 15 people named Jennifer.

4) Email Manners: Pay special attention to the spelling of the person's name. Many people's first names are spelled out in their email addresses. The fact that you are too lazy to double check the spelling of a word that is spelled perfectly no less than one inch away from where you are butchering it speaks volumes about your attention to detail. On that same point, spell check your message before you send it. Edit ruthlessly for exclamation points (!!!!!!1111ELEVENTY!!!!1). Have an auto signature with your phone, email, and fax at the very least. If you are still using all caps, you will be judged. If you use no caps, you will be judged. Do not, for the love of everything holy, use one of the pre-installed cheese-tastic Outlook backgrounds if you are in any way trying to look professional. Nothing screams "I am bad at computers!" like the faux spiral notebook, the clouds, or the ivy background.

In isolation, these details are relatively negligible. Over time, however, repeat offenders are doomed to slink lower and lower down the respectability ladder. The four things on the list above are what separate the awesomes from the alrights.

You owe it to yourself to be an awesome.

A Whole New Day(time Line up)

2009-11-20T14:49:00.000-06:00

Oprah's leaving, and woe to the television stations that bought her syndicated programming, because there's going to be a huge hole in the line up when she's gone in 2011. Or is there?

Oprah isn't currently the best rated show in syndicated television. Just last week, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, Entertainment Tonight, and Judge Judy (!) beat her. She dominates her time slot, for the most part, and she's built a huge amount of cache as far as a self-promoter and promoter of other brands, but her actual show isn't the bees knees it once was.

If you've ever watched broadcast television between 9am and 5pm, you'll know that there's not really a lot on. What I've never understood is why the networks don't take advantage of this desolate daypart. There is no reason not to fully program daytime television, and there's really no reason television companies need to be programming towards only women during the day. Let me rephrase that, there seems to be very little reason to program towards the type of woman television companies seem to think is home during the day. Women make up 46.5% of the US labor force (US DOL) - so why is the programming during daytime still geared towards women specifically? Why not air programming that everyone would like?

Additionally, with the rise of DVR, people are watching what they want when they want to; why not put good shows on during the day and plan for time shifted viewing? There is no reason that cable nets can run reruns of their best programming throughout the day but syndicators and broadcast nets can't. Nielsen just dropped Live Only data from its metered market viewing stream, so the ratings for time shifted daytime program viewing will definitely be counted in the Live + Same Day stream Nielsen has adopted as its main television viewer data stream, which would be a boon to the numbers of any decent DVRable program.

Much like what we see when the Olympics are on, NBC could use programming from all of its cable subsidiaries to run during the day on NBC. Audiences would get more chances to watch shows like "Top Chef" and affiliates would get a ratings boost from prime-like programming up against the wasteland of judge shows and game shows.

Besides, the next time I'm at home sick, I'd like to have more options than Family Feud and Maury.

Phased Out

2009-11-16T21:56:00.000-06:00

On my way home from work today, I was talking with my commuting buddy co-worker. She and I were running through our usual daily annoyances, and we got on to the subject of the people that we know that are in danger of being replaced by computers.

You see, her husband is an engineer, so he's always thinking about the best way to make something efficient. His major beef is with doctors. From talking to him, it really sounds like he's not ever had a good experience with one. He would much rather just input his symptoms into a computer and get some pills from a vending machine than actually have to go to the doctor's office, wait to see a person, and then get a less-than-perfect diagnosis. While the idea of a computer diagnosing a person really isn't too far fetched, I like to think that he's in the minority when it comes to not wanting to interact with a human at all. I have had enough really good doctors to actually want to talk with a person when I am sick or injured. This conversation really got me thinking about the value of human interaction.

Of course, computers can store all of the data that a doctor has to learn in medical school. The computer could access all of that information and relatively simple robotics could run blood tests, take temperatures, blood pressures, and other samples. The main thing missing would be the human ability to interact, touch, doubt, and communicate. I'm not advocating a switch to robot doctors, but along those lines, I am thinking that many of the jobs people do right now could be performed by computers. There are just certain things that a computer will always be better at (for instance, building a spreadsheet). Computers have helped speed up the pace of life to near warp speed, and there are definitely times I would much rather interact with a computer than a person (for instance, when booking a plane ticket).

The main thing we have to provide as people is our intellect, our compassion, and our ability to communicate. When people in service industries (sales, customer service, restaurant service) take compassion and communication for granted, that is when computers start to seem attractive. I would venture to say that the bedside manners of the doctors that my friend's husband has seen were not great. A computer will always be better than a person at certain things, but the reverse is also true: a human will be better than a computer at certain things. We can't give those things up. People in service industries should take those responsibilities seriously, and if you're not good with people, then you should get really good with computers.

Five and Five

2009-11-12T20:04:00.000-06:00

A couple of lists today.

Five Things I Love Right Now
1) The weather - today was a beautiful fall day. The sun was out, no rain, nice and crisply cool.
2) My new laptop! - it's still shiny! Exclamation point!
3) Thinking about potential Christmas gifts - thinking about the gifts is great. It's the actual *buying* part that sucks, followed by the deep seated fears that the people you are buying them for won't like the gift and by transference won't like you either.
4) Top Chef - still awesome. Project Runway, not so much, but that's for the next list.
5) T-accounts - There I said it. They're the only thing making my Accounting class even remotely understandable at this point.

Five Things I Hate Right Now
1) The CTA Red Line - Constantly crowded, mostly slow, never around at the right time, and soon to be increasing in price. Fanfreakintastic.
2) Forecasting for work - In a word, depressing. Moving along...
3) The prospect of flying from O'Hare to Atlanta on Thanksgiving weekend. Ugh.
4) Early night time - It gets completely dark here at 4pm now. At least for the next couple of months it's still light out in the morning.
5) The way the Bears are playing - I'm starting to learn about what it's like to be a sports fan in Chicago. It's not that we don't have winning teams, it's just that our expectations are a bit too high. Of course, when it's -15 degrees outside, football is pretty much all we have, so can you blame us?

Is NBC the Biggest Loser?

2009-11-09T18:30:00.001-06:00

I was watching TV and thinking about work last Tuesday night. In one way, it's nice to be able to think about work and watch TV at the same time, and in another, it can be frustrating to watch something you love mess up. For instance, my beef on Tuesday night began because for the last couple of seasons NBC has been running The Biggest Loser as a two hour episode. I guess the idea is that the show will retain ratings over the two hours and NBC (and its affiliates) will have more inventory to sell during that time. If all things remain steady, revenue goes up, because NBC has increased inventory without losing out on ratings. Here's the rub, though: the show is too long. Viewers either don't tune in until the weigh in, fast forward through the commercials, or lose interest and quit watching halfway through the show. The lost viewership means lower ratings which means lower rates for everyone involved. In the long run, it also means more ads so the network can continue to hold revenue up. This is not an anti-ad rant. This is a television lover actually asking for a shorter program if that means the program will be better. Even I refuse to watch Biggest Loser without a 30 minute delay on my DVR because the ads have taken over. (Why I do feel slightly dirty, yes.) The awkward product placement in the show is bad enough, but to add to that filler and over a half hour of advertising is bad form, and it looks greedy.

This change in Biggest Loser, one of the highest rated shows on NBC at this time, seems to be a symptom at that network as of late. NBC has made it patently clear that the broadcast operation is not where its money is, and that's fine. Hulu is great, Bravo is great, whatever, but as the face of broadcast changes, shouldn't the media flagship and namesake still be the home for the great stuff? Should NBC really be airing two hours of filler when they could be running one great hour of cheap-to-produce reality and still have another hour for semi-awesome television before the Leno show?

Of course, broadcast is in a state of flux. It just seems that NBC as a network has been repeatedly changing its strategy season by season, and all the viewers have gotten in exchange is crappier programming. Despite the rise of cable, satellite, and online viewing, there are still viable broadcast shows being produced by the big four networks. There are still nights during the week when a BIG audience sits down and watches the same thing (Tuesdays in February, anyone?). In the world of niche, there is still a place for broadcast, and a mass audience. With the impending purchase of NBC Universal by Comcast, I wonder if NBC (the channel) will just become a third tier cable channel. Imagine calling up your cable provider and paying more each month just to watch The Office.

Bag Lady

2009-11-03T14:22:00.002-06:00

Since I work on Michigan Avenue, I see a LOT of shopping bags. Now that I've lived here for a while, I can tell where a person has been shopping based on the bags he or she is carrying. Not just the stores - that's elementary - but also the region of the city. It gets easier with more bags, of course, because I can triangulate where a shopper has been. This might sound a little creepy, but once I started thinking about it, I realized what a powerful traffic driver a shopping bag can be. Just this morning, I saw this slideshow and I couldn't help falling in love with...you guessed it...the shopping bags!

When I was living in New York (pre-iPhone, pre-smartphone, pre-Google maps!), I often employed the shopping bag tracking tactic to figure out where stores where. Basically, I would see a bag from a store that I wanted to visit, and I would then keep an eye out for more people with that bag. I would try to walk in the opposite direction of those people. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Occaisionally, I would just stop someone and ask them where the store was. Since they had obviously been there, directions were usually available. Also, the shopper would sometimes give me a bonus tip, like "they're having a great sale on sweaters!" or "ugh, it's packed right now." I'm sure most retailers have thought about this. Why else would Forever 21 have those bright yellow bags, or the Gap have the instantly recognizable navy blue bag?

With the advent of reusable bags, some retailers have seized a great opportunity. Threadless gives out a nice reusable bag with their logo on it, and if you bring it back to the store to buy something, you get a discount. Double sweet! Great for the customer (discount, cool reusable bag), great for Threadless (advertising). People ask me about my Threadless bag every time I carry it, which always leads me to tell them about either the t-shirt I am wearing, or what the company is. It's an excellent touchpoint for word of mouth.

I would really like to know what the revenue benefits are for a store like Dominick's or Jewel now that many people carry their own bags with them. Most grocery stores here in Chicago sell reusable bags, and they end up using fewer of the plastic bags (which they have to pay for). I'd also like to see some sort of metric for how many fewer plastic bags a single retailer uses now that the reusable bag trend is on. What is the cost savings per customer for the retailer?

There is this rumor that some grocery stores give a discount for people who use reusable bags, but I have yet to see that. I realize that Aldi has been anti-free bag forever, so obviously the bag expense for grocery stores must be significant. Beyond the straight up cost savings, what is gained when customers carry a great reusable bag with your logo on it? What is lost when you don't provide a good reusable bag at the point of sale?

UPGRADE!

2009-10-26T22:23:00.001-05:00

Joel and I bought a condo a couple of months ago. It's an upgrade from our old apartment on every front, and not just incremental improvements, either. For instance, this place has central air. Our old place had...air. That air was freezing in the winter and blazin' hot in the summer. Our new place is spacious. Our old place, while big, had a lot of small rooms. It was like living in a pill sorter - you know the kind, with the days of the week compartments? Yeah, our old bedroom was in Monday and the kitchen was in Sunday. Our old place was so loud that we had to watch television at a volume level that would have been a public disturbance had we not lived above a bar. And the bar. The bar! They had this live band every Friday night, Jen & Tonic. Jen & Tonic made up what they lacked in talent with noise level.

When we moved into the old place, we were excited. It was our first place together, which was cool, but soon problems became apparent. For instance, Joel didn't have a closet in our bedroom. Our bedroom's closet was full of my clothes, so he had to go to the second bedroom to get dressed. This is okay in theory, but in practice, it sucked. Also, he didn't have any sort of dresser, so anything that was folded up had to live on the second bed. Technically, it was supposed to be folded and put into the hanging organizer in the second closet, but the second closet was roughly the size of a phone booth, so most things didn't make it in there.

The biggest upgrade, by far is the laundry situation. It's just a stackable unit in a closet in the hallway of our new place, but if you had seen the old laundry room. Joel and I nicknamed the stairs leading to it "Rapefest 2008." To get to the laundry room, we had to go out our back door, down three flights of stairs that were never salted (unless we did it), and then down the scariest, darkest, steepest set of concrete steps I have ever seen...into a short, dark hallway, and through another door. The short, dark hallway actually had another door beyond the laundry room door with the unknown behind it. For all I know, the landlords were probably housing a manticore down there. That would have certainly explained the smell.

I think the next sentence is going to sum up the differences the best. The first week we lived in our new place, every morning I woke up I had to convince myself that we weren't staying in a nice hotel. Mainly because it was quiet, I wasn't sweaty, and the floors weren't sticky.

Commutards

2009-10-25T13:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a banner day for weirdness on the train. Granted, it was a Saturday, so the mix of people is a little more varied, but I saw some real standouts. To wit:

1) The silver dancing guy the usually hangs out on Michigan Avenue OR someone who had a great costume idea and had dressed up as that guy. Either way, it was fun to think about that guy having to commute like the rest of us. I don't think I would want to sit on the seat after him. That paint looks like it would flake off onto everything around him.

2) Joel and I were on the red line headed north, and there were two older gentlemen sitting across from us. The one nearest us reached into his down jacket to retrieve...a Q-tip. He proceeded to give his ears a thorough cleaning for the rest of our ride. Turns out he had not one, but four Q-tips in his jacket. Something tells me those were just a sampling of the stockpile inside his coat. ::shudder::

3) The Q-tip guy, however, barely holds a candle to the guy we were on the bus with on Thursday, who was digging in his ear for ear wax and then eating it. Yeah. I think that's all the detail you need there.

4) Finally, last night, a couple in their thirties got on to the train. The woman was wearing thigh high stockings with pink bows on the tops. She looked like a hooker, but I'm pretty sure she was just sluttin' it up. The real hookers I saw on the train a couple of years ago were wearing fishnet shirts with nothing underneath. Suffice it to say there's nothing like seeing a female nipple when you're not expecting it.

That's the thing about public transit. It's public. The day I'm not surprised about what people will do on a CTA train or bus is the day I need to move out of the city.

Boob Tube

2009-10-24T10:19:00.000-05:00

I am supposed to be studying for my accounting midterm, but I'm watching the Food Network. The Food Network is a bad thing to watch when you're putting something off, because the shows don't really have a plot. I'm not waiting with baited breath to see if what the Neelys are cooking is going to turn out. Even if it tastes terrible, they'll eat it and like it at the end of the show. On the one hand, it's great background noise. It's kind of like having people over that you don't have to entertain. Also, you can kick them out whenever you want. On the other hand, I can't turn the freaking channel off! I've never been like, oh, thank god, the chicken turned out great! I can do what I need to do now. Nope. It's more like - oh, I can't miss dessert! Then, it's three hours later and I'm watching Paula Deen melt another pound of butter, vaguely anticipating the moment on the show when she tastes whatever it is she made.

To be fair, it's not as if I turn the television off or study more when I'm watching more exciting shows. The problem there is that inevitably USA has a marathon of something awesome (usually House or Burn Notice). Reason would say that it would be easier to tear yourself away from a marathon, because the show might get old. Not true! Not true at all! Once I get into the swing of a particular show, I just want to watch more of it. I get lulled by House's story arc. Minute 15, he's being crotchety and right. Minute 30, the person is either taking a turn for the better (bad news!) or a turn for the worse (it'll turn out fine!). By minute 45, we're on the home stretch, and I'm looking around the house like a crackhead, just hoping that the next hour is House so I don't have to vacuum.

Yep, It's About The Weather

2009-10-23T19:25:00.000-05:00

I gave up on my umbrella today. I was halfway across the plaza to my building, and I realized I was holding it in front of myself, like a shield, and yet I was still getting soaked. I folded it up and just got wet.

Umbrellas are such a useless item here. Basically, they're like a kite that you have to hang onto. They're really good at catching the wind, and they make you a bigger target for lightning. The extra pain in the ass bonus for umbrellas is that you knock into things with them here - namely, other people's umbrellas. On the train, they're a total annoyance because they drip all over everything. You can't put them in your lap, and if you don't get a seat, you have to constantly worry about not dripping on your fellow commuters (if you're not an a-hole). Today, I was walking behind a lady who had an umbrella that was no less than five feet in diameter...and rainbow colored. What the hell, woman? This is a city, not a golf course. But I digress.

I guess the crux of the problem is that it's always windy here. Always. As a solution to the umbrella-kite situation, I'm thinking of getting a huge hamster ball. I won't get wet, and neither will my shoes. I wouldn't have to worry about the wind, and I could roll over people who were in my way (I'm looking at you, Jane). I could even be a tourist attraction! Who wouldn't notice the girl in the big hamster ball? Although signing autographs might be an issue, I suppose the main problem would be getting through doors. I have no idea how I would get in and out of the ball, or what I would do on pub trans. I'm also not sure where or how I could get my hands on a big plastic ball that big, and I don't know how I would keep people from stealing it, or get up and down stairs. Otherwise, it's a flawless plan. Anything is better than an umbrella.

No Soup for You!

2009-10-22T15:23:00.007-05:00

The world doesn't have enough of a lot of things: editors, food, sunny places that aren't too humid in the summer, good books, stuffed animals that don't have scary, dead eyes, blogs from yours truly...the list goes on. I'm trying to focus on things that I can control these days, and while the stuffed animals are a long term project, in the interim, I can get back to bloggin'!

A lot has happened since I last updated, but I'm not going into any of it. Suffice it to say that some things have changed and others have remained the same. Now, on to the passive aggressive confrontation of the day!

I was at lunch at the cafeteria near my office today, and I was angling for the chicken tortilla soup. One might think that chicken tortilla soup from a workplace caf would be disgusting; however, one would be wrong. I don't know which chef sold his or her soul for the recipe, but it was totally worth it. Don't worry, Chef, I'm sure eternal damnation isn't as bad as it sounds. So, yeah, there I am angling towards the soup when my arch nemesis of line-standing and generally getting things done veers into my sight: Lady On Phone With A Bunch of Crap In Her Hands (LOPWABOCIHH, or Jane, for short).

This particular Jane was doing the whole hold-the-phone-with-the-shoulder thing, which worked in the 1980s and 90s when phones were plugged into the wall but generally doesn't go well with the average mobile phone of the 21st century. She's got her shoulder all jacked up holding the phone on one side and a bunch of crap in that hand while she s-l-o-w-l-y ladles soup from the pot with the other hand. Mind you, she's still murmuring something on the phone to someone. She's also skillfully blocked not only the soup pot she's standing in front of, but also the entire rest of the soup station and styrofoam cups. I don't know why I was surprised or upset, it is Jane's superpower to generally be in my way at all times. She's pretty good at it.

Of course, I was hungry. It was lunchtime, afterall. All I wanted was for Jane to get her DAMN SOUP and get out of the way. But no, she persisted, and managed to stay on the phone for another two to three minutes while finishing filling her soup container, ever so gently putting the lid back on, and meandering slowly away from the soup station...directly towards me. Now, there are several ways this post could end if I were less of a wuss, but I am merely passive aggressive, not aggressive, so I gave her a totally harsh eye roll.

Yeah, take that, Jane!

A Weekend for the Ages

2008-06-10T12:17:00.002-05:00

Jen was here last weekend. It was totally awesome, despite the heat. I'm so glad that we got to see the whole city even though we ended up finding an HWB (Head Wedding B*tch) dress for her at Bloomingdale's. I think the sightseeing and getting rained on was totally worth it.

The highlight was definitely the doorman at the hotel who asked: "Ya'll ladies twins?"

We certainly saw a lot of fashion disasters on the streets. I don't even know where women can buy high waist, taper leg jeans, but they must be selling like gangbusters somewhere. They probably sit right next to the fannie packs based on my preliminary research. Those two items seem to go together. I know that the spandex jean is back in full force, but you usually see those on younger fashion victims. Seriously, when it's 90 degrees outside, the LAST thing I want to be wearing is tight jeans. Can you imagine how sweaty your legs would get? Ew. Of course, I do appreciate those people who understand that short shorts aren't really the way to go either. On Sunday night, I was waiting in line at Jamba Juice (still hot!) and I saw a lot more of the lady in front of me than I really wanted to. Once one's butt cheeks are outside of the short, is it really a short any more? Isn't that more of an underwear look? I mean, at that point, wouldn't you just put on a swimsuit bottom and call it a day?

Generally, I don't like being downtown on the weekends, but with Jen here it made everything worthwhile. Now I know where to get awesome margaritas that apparently don't really do much damage the morning after. Additionally, I know that the Ghirardelli Chocolate Cafe just off Michigan is open until midnight and filled with Europeans to boot. All in all, I love it when the H girls get to hang out in general. Now if only Atlanta and Chicago were closer, we'd be all set.

All Hail The Summer!

2008-06-03T09:35:00.004-05:00

It's been warm now for almost four days in a row here in Chicago, and I think it's safe to start getting excited about summer time. Before that, though...let's talk a little bit about Flag Day.

One of my co-workers has an acquaintance that just got gainful employment for the first time since graduating from college four years ago. Let's call the lazy girl Kitty. Since Kitty didn't have a job for a long time, she spent most of her time planning parties for holidays that no normal person has time to celebrate...sort of like a slacker Sandra Lee. Apparently a couple of years ago she got very upset when no one took the day off of work to celebrate the actual St. Patrick's Day (it was a Thursday). So, now that Flag Day is upon us, I wonder what Kitty has cooked up for everyone.

The official start of summer is still three weeks off. I'm hoping that this year I can get some real sun since I've got to wear white in a few months. On the flip side, I've become ever more vigilant with the sunscreen as of late. Sadly, it's mostly for vanity's sake. Skin cancer looms, but wrinkles are much more pressing. Most of the time I feel silly wearing sunscreen this far north, especially when it's cold out. In addition, I spend a total of about 15 minutes outside everyday. What this situation creates is an unparallelled pastiness of the complexion, and a sense of tanning urgency when June rolls around. The tanning urgency usually ends up with me sitting outside for most of a very sunny 70 degree day and getting a wicked sunburn. There's nothing that makes me feel dumber than getting a sunburn in Chicago.

Most winters, I contemplate going to the tanning bed at least once. Then, I reconsider as soon as I see one of those unnaturally tan women in January. You know, the "tanorexics." It's one thing to not want to be pasty, but leather-like is an undesirable descriptor even in handbags. Maybe this will be the last summer I dedicate to sun worship. But I doubt it.

Ah, the Intarwebs

2008-05-28T22:05:00.003-05:00

I can honestly say that I've never spent more than about 15 minutes on facebook...until today. God that thing is a time suck. If the 'tubes had been nearly this developed when I was in college, there's no way I would have ever had enough time to drink as much as I did.

Back in my day, all we had was the hamster dance. And it was awesome. Then, on the second day of the intertubes, but the Lord made realultimatepower.net, and it was good. Thus followed the dancing baby and the EEEEEE! Squirrel and eBay and all that jazz. Yes. I'm old. I think now is the time for a short list of my favorite things on the internet circa 2000:

1) EEEEEEEE! Squirrel
2) Peanut Butter Jelly Time
3) realultimatepower.net
4) scour.net (alas, it is gone with the wind)
5) The Hamster Dance
6) lycos.com (remember the ads with the dog playing fetch? I am surprised this is still a functioning link!)
7) Roof Rats (on bored.com)

Just last weekend we were at the bookstore and I found an analog version of realultimatepower (in book form). You know what was missing? A 16-bit version of "Big Pimpin'."

Lowsy Smarch Weather

2008-03-16T14:03:00.003-05:00

Well, it's that time of year in Chicago when all you want to do is go outside without a coat on, and yet, that is the main thing you cannot yet do.

It looks really nice outside today, but the high is still only 39, and there's wind off the lake. We're heading into the cold rain of spring, which while a change, is still pretty annoying. Cold rain sucks because there's no obvious coat choice. Do you wear your winter coat and get soaked, or do you wear your raincoat and freeze? Sigh.

I have hope though, because after March comes April and then eventually summer-ish weather. We'll probably even get a few nice days this spring. I'm trying (once again) to get back into running now that I know what I need to do for my knee, and the weather for running will be great for the next few months. Then it will get too hot, but that's a complaint I'm prepared to have. At least we're not getting crazy hail like down south.

Ice Chunks

2008-02-22T14:53:00.003-06:00

I'm fascinated with the view from my office, since it's new and all. Today, as you can see, there are numerous ice chunks floating in the river. It is especially cool when a boat goes by. I have never been more amazed by the difference between sunlight and flourescent. I spend quite a few hours each day with my shade down because the sun is too bright. I think I've turned into a vampire. I thought I had it bad with no window in my office, but I was on the phone with one of our clients the other day and he told me at their TV station, there is not a single window. Now, this TV station is in Quad Cities, so it's not like it's in a major metropolitan area in a high rise all jammed up against other buildings. No. Our clients basically work in a bunker. Can you imagine that? Not a single window or skylight anywhere in your building? I imagine that everyone that works there is blind, but they have evolved extra-sensitive mole-like whiskers. The upside is that they can work 24 hours a day and never notice the difference.

I can't believe it's almost March. Holy crap, where is this year going? Work is so so busy, since the trade off for the office was picking up slack from the guy on our team who got promoted. Fortunately, my boss has already hired a replacement. She starts 3/3, so this craziness will soon pass.

I'm pretty excited for the weekend. This week could quite possibly have been the longest four day week on record. Maybe that's because I worked a little on Monday, and maybe it's because I like to whine. You decide.

Ashes, Ashes...

2008-02-07T18:30:00.000-06:00

Just in case you think I'm joking about the Chicago weather, I like to take phone pictures every once in a while. Above, you can see what Michigan Avenue looked like the day before the 75% Reunion. Knowing Cara's hatred for bad weather, I was a little worried. Obviously, the plane situation would be fine - it's like this pretty much all winter long here, so O'Hare is prepared for it. Leslie lives in Cleveland, so I knew she'd be fine...but Cara...I was worried. I shouldn't have been.

It was unspeakably awesome to hang Leslie and Cara for the first time together since...2003? Did we really wait five years for that? What is wrong with us?!? Despite the fact that Joel ordered Jaeger Bombs, we all made it through the 12 hours of togetherness without throwing up, which is a small miracle. I know Master P had a rough few hours, but despite the absence of an afternoon of playing couch, she too, somehow managed to make it through. I know you're asking how we, as grown-ups, can have this much fun and live to tell about it, so I'm going to give you the answer: Magic and unicorns. The unicorns are the most important part.

It helps, too, if you can pretend you're a "street tough" girl band from the early 90s after you have just fallen down in the middle of the bar. People don't point and laugh as much if they think you're about to bust out a glock and a pair of shortalls with just one strap done up. Also, the threat of hearing "I'm So Into You" strikes fear in the heart of most people past the age of 25.

In sum, what have we learned from the 75% Reunion?

5 years is too long to go without getting your good friends together.
June in Atlanta is going to be freakin' sweet (remind me to call my unicorn wrangler).
Sometimes, the bruises are totally worth it.
During the winter in Chicago, it snows a lot.
Jaeger Bombs are gross.

#5 is really just a review question, but it will probably be on the final, so Maegan, you should definitely put it in your notes.

Happy Birthday to the Best Sister Ever!

2008-01-28T14:35:00.000-06:00

This weekend, I was reminded that I have the best sister ever. It was my birthday Saturday, and I had a big day planned. Joel had set me up for a manicure-pedicure appointment, then it was on to Joy's for dinner, and some drinking with the crew at Sheffield's. I was on my way to the nail appointment when Jennifer called. We were chit-chatting while I walked out the door of my apartment, and on to the elevator. I lost signal on the elevator, and called her back when I got to the first floor.

Joel picked up.

"Weird," I thought, "I must have dialed the wrong number."

So I called Jennifer back again. This time, she starts talking about how gross it is when you step off the curb into snow and ice.

"Weird," I thought, "Jennifer lives in Atlanta." I asked her where she was.

Then she said, "Why don't you turn around?"

SHE WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME ON THE SIDEWALK!!

Surprise, Joel was in on it. Man, he is sneaky. He had gone to pick her up downtown that morning. When I called Jennifer back after losing her on the elevator, she handed the phone to him in the car, and he played it off like nobody's business.

We had an awesome time. Thanks to Mom and Dad for the Gap giftcards, we got some new duds to boot. Jen made a strong showing for such a long night! I think we went home around 1 in the morning on Saturday. Everyone was very impressed, especially me.

We are currently working on coming up with a name for the day that comes between our birthdays. Options at the moment include: Mid-Birth, The Day Between Our Birthdays, and the Natal Solstice.

Here's to you, big sis! Happy Birthday, and thanks for the great surprise!

All Moved

2008-01-21T11:29:00.000-06:00

It's finished.

It's cool though, quite cozy. Who needs a couch? Fortunately, I have small space living experience honed over four years at Denison, and then a follow-up study in New York. This place is a lot nicer than most of the dorms, and my neighbors are (thankfully!) much quieter, but I face the street now, so I've got to get used to the noises there.

All in all, I'm just really relieved to be finished with the move!! I had all of these delusions of space after I signed this lease. I put in the floor plan into one of those room planners online, and I thought I was going to have space for my occaisional table as well as a loveseat, but alas, I was mistaken. It's okay. Now I have a really good reason to make my bed in the mornings. And did I mention that I got away from my crazy landlady? That's always a plus.

Also, this way, I won't have to get rid of hardly anything when I move in with Joel. I really hope someone is up for a sublease come October...

Okay, OKAY! I'll update already, gah!

2008-01-11T17:04:00.000-06:00

I know everyone has been waiting with baited breath for the next installment of Claring It Up, and here it is!

I'm currently in the midst of planning a wedding. As much as it's really exciting and to some extent, fun, it's also quite stressful. I'm excited about getting married. That part is awesome. It's the WEDDING part that gets hairy. I suppose we could have chosen to get married in Chicago, but that would have brought up another set of problems called "money" and "too many people getting married at the same time." The other issue is that I'm not the stereotypical girl in that I did not spend the last 26 years dreaming about a wedding. I suppose that's a good thing in that I don't have as many expectations, but it feels like all of a sudden I'm expected to know how to put together this extravagant party for 800 of my closest friends. I just learned how to fix my hair like two years ago. Seriously people. I'm just now getting to the point of being able to look relatively professional most of the time - and now I'm supposed to know what constitutes appropriate attire for a 430 wedding on the beach? What the hell? Am I missing some gene? Was I sick the day of school where they pulled the girls aside and gave them all scrapbooks and a copy of Modern Bride and said "start planning!"?

Obviously, not. I know that you have to learn these things, and that pretty much everyone has to look up at least a few traditions at some point or another. ::sigh:: I think the real issue I'm having is that I'm not really feeling "girly" enough to pull this off. I'm sure it will be awesome no matter what, but I really wish I had a flair for this kind of thing...or at least a gay friend!

On top of the wedding stuff - I'm moving next week. The landlady crazies finally reached a boiling point, so I'm out of there. WOOHOO studio apartment! I'm going to be getting rid of some things, no doubt, but it will make moving in with Joel so much cooler in the long run.

And yeah, that about wraps it up. Here's to 2008!

This is what I look like when I'm really, really surprised.

2007-12-12T12:03:00.000-06:00

I'll write more later, promise!

The Sickness

2007-10-02T15:02:00.000-05:00

I am just getting over a bad cold that started last Thursday morning. Fortunately, the cold had the decency to start up before I left for work, so I called in sick both Thursday and Friday. Even though I was at home watching television, I still checked my work email and called in like every hour. Welcome to adulthood.

In other news, daytime TV pretty much sucks. It's sad when the best thing on is Family Feud. It's on back-to-back here in the afternoons. I watched four episodes of it last week. You know what the worst part is? I was actually surprised at how stupid the contestants were. Seriously. One of the categories was "Something you would cook for dinner that has the word 'baked' in the name." #1 answer? Obviously "baked potato." Then, for the next five minutes I had to listen while the contestants guessed stuff like "baked chicken," "baked casserole," and "baked brownies," and "baked chicken (again, and again WRONG)." This went on for what seemed like hours, during which time I was almost screaming at the TV. What was I screaming? BAKED BEANS! Damn. People are freakin' dumb. Baked casserole? WTF?

"Honey, what are we having for dinner tonight?"
"Oh, just a salad and a baked casserole, and some baked brownies for dessert."

Of course it's baked - it's a damn casserole. What are the other options? Boiled casserole? Fried casserole?

I learned something else. If I ever find myself on Family Feud, and my opponents are the Bibbs, I'm giving up. They were on three of the four shows that I caught - obviously taped on the same day, as their clothes didn't change. They completely dominated the competition. Why? Because they weren't idiots. Baked casserole. Please.

I started to wonder about the Bibbs. Do they make their livings appearing on Family Feud? They won $40,000 while I watched. Of course, that's split 5 ways, so it's really only $8000. After taxes you'd barely have enough to live on baked casserole for a year, and you definitely wouldn't be able to afford baked brownies. On the other hand, if they made a circuit of crappy syndicated game shows that no one watches, they could make a respectable income with an interesting side business selling dinette sets on eBay.

As a whole, though, Family Feud is not so bad. I also enjoyed Tyra and Maury. Maury gets a little old, since every show is paternity tests these days, but on Friday he did a Top 10 review of the week. I wonder if he does those every week. That's pretty frakking lazy if you ask me. What are the planning meetings like for that show?

Producer: Okay, so we have paternity tests on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this week, followed by morbidly obese children whose parents don't want to stop feeding them to death, and then a top ten recap of the week on Friday.
Maury: So, we can basically knock that out on like, Monday and Tuesday?
Producer: Yep. Just like always. No need to call the writers back in until next year.
Maury: I'll call the travel agent and get those tickets to Cabo you wanted.
Producer: Sweet. I'll give Jose a call.

How does the Maury show continue to find guests? If you're a guy, and you get that call to go on the show, why bother? You know some gigantic beast from your past is going to be there with a hideous combination of your dna and hers sitting on her "lap," drooling (or in some cases, being a surly teenager with greasy hair and some sort of unfortunate piercing). You're going to come out, get booed, yell about how the kid isn't yours (or is) and then have Maury read the results of the test to you. You will not be happy with the test results, no matter what they are. Now you might be saying that you didn't know that's how the Maury show went down, and you might go on if asked. Here's the thing - you're probably not home during the day to watch this...but the people that come on the show are. They KNOW. And yet, they continue to come on the show, punch each other, yell, cry, and generally be surprised by paternity test results.

I suppose the moral of this story is that people are dumb.

Winky's Night Out

2007-09-25T07:24:00.000-05:00

Apparently the more fun I'm having, the less able I am to keep my left eye open. Saturday was Jon and Dave's 30th birthday party here in Chicago. It was pretty awesome. I don't know how it could have been any better, really. Dave showed off his dance moves to new complete strangers, Melissa pole danced, and I had a wink fest. Later, I had a hangover fest, followed by an I'm-too-old-for-this fest. The weekend was very festive for me.

In other news, it's the time of year where I really hate my job. I suppose it could be worse, and I could hate my job every day. I think it would be nicer if the hate were spread throughout the year, maybe once per week; however, I have entire weeks during the spring and summer that are great. The job hate piles up and only really comes out full force during the winter. Hey, at least the weather sucks, too.

I guess it really means that I need to get my butt in gear and actually start studying for the GMAT, and really looking at MBA programs. It's daunting. I was always really good at school, but sometime in the past four years or so, I seem to have un-learned all of my basic math skills. It's sad. The worst part about it is I don't know how to re-learn it! There are all sorts of adult writing skills classes, but I haven't seen a remedial math class anywhere. Maybe it's because in 99% of adult life, you can use a calculator. Well, until then, I'll leave you with another picture from wink fest:

I Long For A Grapefruit

2007-09-10T11:23:00.000-05:00

Another Monday. Another case of terrible hair due to the rain here in Chicago. I'm hoping for the 4:55 rain showers that seem to be de rigeur for any self respecting awful commute these days. It is supposed to rain on and off all day, which means that this is almost a certainty. YIPPEE!

I painted my bathroom this weekend. It has gone from a bright, bright blinding white to a deep blue. Whereas the white was a little too "sensory deprivation" for my taste, the blue is a tad bit darker than I had hoped. By "tad bit," I mean a lot darker. Maybe once the sun comes out again, I'll be able to make a fair assessment, but for now, it's like an underwater cave. I'm okay with this for now, mostly because the evil, vindictive side of me knows it's going to be a bitch to paint over when I move out and my landlady has to do repairs before she latches on to the next unsuspecting victim. On the other hand, it may inadvertently help her sell the place, as it's the only non-1970s color in my apartment at this juncture. Since the painting of the bathroom went pretty well, I'm moderately motivated to do the same with my bedroom. Not make it look like an underwater cave, but remedy the institutional light green that's been in there since I moved. It's a pretty lame stab at making change, I'll admit, since I've lived there with the light green for almost two years, but hey, at least I'm trying.

For some reason, this past weekend produced a frenzy of nesting behavior in me. I did four loads of laundry, painted my bathroom, made bread from scratch (!), made and froze a huge batch of chili for later, cleaned, and...watched a couple of football games. Okay, so the football games weren't necessarily domestic, but I had to do something to balance the rest of it out. Don't fret - I'm still far from vacuuming in high heels. Besides, I used up a bunch of extra cash flow being domestic, so I'm done for a little while.

Now that the recap of my incredibly boring weekend is finished, I would like to update all of you about the construction that's going on in the office above mine. After another day of listening to the incessant hammering, my coworkers and I have yet to determine what exactly they're building on the floor above us. The general consensus is that it takes a damn lot of nails. Sometimes, they use something that sounds a little bit like a jack hammer. Maybe, in fact, it's a huge nail remover, so that they can start anew with the hammering the next day at 8am sharp. It seems to be very important that whatever it is they're building be hammered directly above my head all day long, with peaks in the sound at noon (because who DOESN'T go to lunch RIGHT AT NOON every day?) and 5 pm (because who would EVER have to work past 5 on a week day?). I really hope they don't finish soon, because it's a very beautiful and soothing noise. Almost like a symphony, really. A symphony of annoying.

I Suck At Owning A Camera, pts. II & III (with appendices)

2007-09-03T17:45:00.001-05:00

In the past three weekends, I have seen friends I haven't seen in years, gone camping, visited the nation's capitol, dressed up like it was 1987, had kickass margaritas, been nearly eaten alive by bird sized mosquitoes, and spent approximately ten hours travelling. The only record I have of any of these things is my bank statement. I suck at having a camera. However, I'm not too bad at telling a story. Fortunately for both of us, this is a blog, and I can use my words.

Let's see - a few weeks ago, Amanda called to let me know that she was going to come into the city to visit her sister and brother-in-law who live on the South Side. We met up a Mexican place, all of us looking fantastic, of course. Fajitas, margaritas, quesadillas, and many other made up Spanish words ensued. Then, we went to another bar, where Colin told us fantastic tales of wrestling German women and something about midgets. Well, maybe there weren't any midgets, but I can't remember as clearly as I would like, having waited way way way too long to update between then and now (see Appendix A: Memory Loss and You). Midgets or no, it was really good to see Amanda again. She's married and teaching the youth of tomorrow, but thinking about that makes me feel old, so I'm going to move on to the next weekend.

Stop - Cara time! The lovely and successful Cara has finally finished purgartory and moved on to the promised land of...a 9-t0-5 job? A government job, no less. I can't believe I hadn't seen her in over two years, which should be illegal, and yet, there we were - meeting up at Union Station, amongst the tourists and homeless. D.C., afterall, is nothing if not a cross-section of the US. Apparently, our country is filled with homeless people and fatties that like to wear fanny packs. I'm okay with that. I've accepted the fact that the fate of our nation may rest on our ability as a collective to give up fast food, and that the outlook isn't rosy. But I digress.

Pretty much my entire weekend with Cara served as a reminder to loosen up a bit. I get really dragged down by day to day office life, and there's nothing like getting really drunk a few days in a row to snap me out of that. You'd think that a trip to DC would involve going to a monument or a museum, but mine didn't. I'm glad. When you live and work where the tourists are, sometimes you don't really want to run into them on your vacation. So we trucked it out to Arlington for an awesome and cheap (!) thai dinner on the first night, and then spent the next day nursing hangovers and putting together our sweet sweet 80s outfits at...the mall? Yes, folks, you CAN buy a gold lame headband at H&M these days (see Appendix B: The Fashion Cycle). You can also buy leg warmers. Yikes.

The Leg Warmers (the band we saw), were in fact, everything I had hoped they would be and more. So much more, in fact, that I thought it necessary to donate my voice to them. Monday morning was interesting explaining to my clients how I lost my voice, but again, so worth it. I also realized that Cara and I could have gone to a show featuring grass growing and still managed to have a freakin' blast. What have I learned? I live too far away from my friends. The daily grind, fortunately, comes with vacation days.

Speaking of vacation days, Joel and I just got back from a camping weekend with the illustrious Jen and Garrett, of Chicago drinking fame, with their trusty sidekick, Mike. We waited a little too long to book our campsite, and without back yards, were left with a KOA option right outside of Madison. After negotiating our plot as far away from the biggest RVs as possible and as close to the Culver's across the street as possible, we set to putting up tents and drinking a lot. At some point, we went to Madison and continued to drink and eat meat products. It was a good time. I have learned that the mosquitoes in Wisconsin find great joy in searching out and finding the only two square inches of flesh on your body that you haven't covered in Cutter (see Appendix C: Mouth Bites), and that the man in the plot next to us has some major anger management issues. Maybe Supernanny isn't as scripted as I've always thought. Also, cheese curds are really good, and contrary to popular belief, S'mores aren't just for breakfast any more. Oh yeah, it's also good to shower most days. Otherwise, humans stink.

Well, that's pretty much it. I had originally thought I was going to MS Paint some illustrations for you, my loyal readers, but I'm lazy and it's about dinner time.

Appendix A: Memory Loss and You - Memory loss can effect you in many ways. One of them is...uh...right. Anyway, sometimes as we age we start to forget stuff.

Appendix B: The Fashion Cycle - The ugly shit you threw out ten years ago will come back into style. Don't beat yourself up for throwing it out though. It's our dependance on being trendy that keeps the credit card cycle going. If you aren't in debt, you're being unpatriotic. They put you on the "list" for that...and you don't want to get strip searched at the airport, do you? So go ahead, throw out your Members Only jacket.

Appendix C: Mouth Bites - Mosquitos are not above biting you on the lip. Just ask Mike.

What is this mess?

2007-08-10T11:50:00.000-05:00

Yep, it's time for a weather related blog. Damn, it's humid today. Gross.

I know that there are women out there who have problems with flat hair when it's like this. I really wish I were one of them. My hair grows like a chia pet when it's 90% humidity outside. I don't want to get started on the sweating, either. I had to walk around in it this morning getting to work. By the time I walked in my office, I knew that I should have packed a change of clothes. Oh well, I'm sure in a few months I will be complaining about how cold it is.

Work has been really busy this week. I'm enjoying a short reprieve today, which is really nice. I'm looking forward to a relaxing (!) weekend. I'm hoping I washed my one pair of shorts this week, because it's supposed to be like 8,000 degrees (okay, 90). That's right, I'm so old that I only have one pair of shorts. Shorts are for young whipper snappers. Actually, I guess I have two pairs of shorts, but one pair comes down to my knees, so they don't really count. The point of this story is that I'm old and I like to complain about the weather.

Get off my lawn!

RALLY PIE!

2007-08-04T17:16:00.000-05:00

Yep, I'm lazy. It's taken me a whole week to post my blog about the magical trip to Cleveland we took last weekend. I was going to blame Joel, for not bringing over his camera so that I could get his pictures, but honestly folks, the blame lies with yours truly. Let me start by showing you the only picture I came home with:

That's right. One crappy picture of Leslie squinting at something and me faking a smile, trying not to get fat face. I fail at having a camera. Again.

Contrary to the photographic evidence, we had a great time. Jon and Melissa, Joel and I, and Leslie, our faithful fake tourist, took in about as much Cleveland as any five humans should in one day. Witty observations from each, you say? Well of course!

1. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Jimi Hendrix was really cool. However, his taste in clothes was questionable. I know, I know, "It was the drugs," but even LSD shouldn't make a yellow chiffon pirate shirt okay.

2. Big Fun: Honestly, this is the best toy store ever. It will always be the best toy store ever. And damn, I should have saved my Glo-Worm.

3. Great Lakes Brewery: For the first and only time in my life (thus far), I was actually slightly disappointed at the lack of a crotchety old man. Apparently, according to faux tourist Leslie, the crotchety old man tour guide gives out free tastes and does some in depth explaining. Our guide, while cool, did neither. That's okay, though, because the beer more than made up for it later. YUM.

4. Indians Game: Melissa's right. We were totally "that guy." I've said it before and I'll say it again, though, pink is not a team color. Just buy something red or blue, and you're covered for 90% of baseball teams, ladies.

5. The Winking Lizard: Making friends with the host/hostess is always a good idea. As is putting your group's name in as "Spider Pig." I think I'm going to try that the next time I venture to Cracker Barrell. Something tells me that the name will cause much more ruckus at 10am on a Sunday...

6. Parking in Downtown Cleveland: Incredibly cheap, but strange vibrations in the time-space continuum cause "overnight" to mean "until 4 am." Parker beware.

7. Peeing in The Weeds in Gary, IN: What trip is complete without a great roadside peeing story? You see, ours is complete. Needless to say, I don't think we added anything to the scenic highway side of Gary any more toxic than what was already there.

All in all, we had an awesome time. I just wish I had more pictures!

When "LOL" Is Inappropriate

2007-07-24T15:13:00.000-05:00

Today I went across the plaza (which is much like the windtunnel created by Olin and the "other biology building at Denison - Herrick?) to get a coffee and sit on the couches in the coffee shop. I like to make sure I get out of the office during lunch. Otherwise, my skin starts taking on an unhealthy flourescent glow and I really really hate my officemates (as opposed to the low level of annoyance I typically harbor).

I took a seat on the couch with my drink and my book. On the ottoman in front of me were about half of the Wall Street Journal and the front page of USA Today. I glanced down at the front page of USA Today, and the "inside headlines" caught my eye. Namely, this one:

"LOL! IMing becoming popular in the workplace"

Seriously? Not only could the headline not bother to include the whole word for "instant messaging," but apparently the editor decided this new-fangled abbreviation for laughing out loud needed a home in there, too. I don't know. The mass media is already grasping at straws covering the LOLcat phenomenon. Given, I don't necessarily hold to the fact that all the news covered should be hard news. There's a soft spot in my heart for squirrels that can water ski and kids that use their graffiti skills to become productive artists. I think my main beef with the article is that they used the wrong abbreviation.

Obviously, the context here demands "WTF."

Tired

2007-07-23T13:39:00.000-05:00

I'm sure that none of you will be surprised to know that I finished the seventh Harry Potter novel yesterday. I'm a little tired, and little emotionally hungover, but otherwise, I feel good. I'm satisfied with the ending. I did, strangely, have one beef with the writing in this one, which is odd. Usually, Rowling's writing style doesn't bother me much. She's descriptive, moves the plot forward, the dialogue is realistic, etc. etc. Let me get your opinion on this particular pair of sentences:

"Since he sprained his ankle, Sam didn't finish the race the way he would have done." or
"Since he sprained his ankle, Sam didn't finish the race the way he would have."

See that "done" hanging out at the end of the first sentence? Is that weird to you? Or is it just me? Maybe I'm not giving a good enough example here, but when I get home, I can dig up a few sentences from Deathly Hallows because this freaking construction shows up about once a chapter. Maybe that's why it annoyed me. I don't know. It's not necessarily odd for me to get a little annoyed with weird grammar or spelling mistakes, but this one was like a punch in the eyeballs after about the third time it showed up. Every time, I had to read the sentence twice to make sure I understood, and to make sure that the "done" wasn't just a typo.

I'm always flabbergasted when I find typos in big novels. Every once in a while, I'll run across a glaring misspelling, or a wrong name for a character. This seems to happen a lot with Stephen King, but that's probably because he's busy vomiting up so many novels that there's no way any human editor could ever catch every mistake.

I'm done rambling. And I'm sure there are at least a few typos and grammar mishaps in this post. However, this post did not sell 8.3 million copies this weekend. Thank God. I don't think I could handle the pressure of finally ending the spider saga or my ongoing obsession with the weather.

Spidey: The Return

2007-07-18T07:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning I was making breakfast when I looked towards my kitchen table to notice a relatively large spider hanging from a thread on on of my kitchen chairs. I let out an audible little yippy noise, as insects in the morning tend to mess with me a little more than when I'm better aware of my surroundings.

Since I was in my pajamas, I began searching for my weapon of choice, which (as you know from reading this blog) is paper towels. I wasn't quick enough though, and Spidey, Jr. was gone before I could make it back to the kitchen to put an end to our cohabitation. That left me jittery and on edge for the rest of the morning, thinking that every time I turned around, I would spot another spider.

I pictured them in the secret lair they probably keep somewhere really disturbing, like under my bed, plotting to show up when I least suspect it. Phase one was the shower incident, phase two starts off with just one of them hanging around in my kitchen, to be followed by something more sinister. Who knows? Maybe the next one will show up in my refrigerator, or on the next pair of pants I pull out of the closet. They know my habits now, and they've got to be pissed about what happened to the first Spidey. That's not to say that they didn't get the last laugh on that one, but these things are ruthless. I'm pretty sure they'll stop at nothing to get revenge.

I know, I missed you, too

2007-06-26T14:36:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I get pretty bad about updating sometimes. What can I say? It gets boring to be Clare occasionally.

Recently, I have been putting off studying for the GMAT, along with having most of my weekends occupied by the ongoing a/c saga. I will update that little story as soon as Friday is over - I hope. Let's just say that my landlady continues to live up to the first impression she made on me when I moved in. If only moving were free and easy. Except for it's not. At this point, I am weighing the equally crappy options of putting up with her for another year and having to deal with the hassle of moving to another place (which, while alluring at first, comes with a completely new set of issues).

Oh yeah, and I have a little side project going over at Hotels By City, yeah, I hadn't heard of it either, but that site runs these blogs by city. I post a couple of times a week over there (for fun and profit). If you venture over, you can use my link to the right, just keep in mind that not all of the posts on that blog are written by yours truly. In fact, I think that will be readily apparent once you get in there.

I'm really hoping for some sun this weekend and next week. Seriously. It's almost July and I don't have any sort of tan line to speak of. Sad, really. I'm hoping to start getting a little cancerous before I go see Mom and Dad in Florida. Otherwise, I'll be the fat pasty kid in the t-shirt at the pool party again.

That Was A Bad Idea

2007-06-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

At this very moment, I have two air conditioners in my apartment. Temperature? About 90 degrees. Inside. It's pretty obvious that the one in the picture isn't doing much for me. The other one is sitting uselessly brand-new in it's packaging.

Please, allow me to explain. You see, my landlady thought that $109 was too much to pay the delivery people to install the beautiful, shiny, 14,000 BTU a/c unit when they brought it last weekend. "See if you can install it," she said. Gee, thanks. Now, I'm not a complete wuss, but it's not like I spend my days at the gym. Strangely enough, I am not a qualified heating and cooling specialist, either. Anyone who visited my apartment last summer could certainly testify to that. I don't know if you've ever seen a 14,000 BTU wall unit a/c unit, but it's not "dainty."

So, Wednesday rolled around, and I knew my manpower was going to Cali this weekend, so I enlisted him to help me try to install the new a/c before the sweltering heat came. I didn't really think about the fact that the old unit was going to have to come out of the wall. Yeah. That was a bad idea. Fast forward about an hour into our little "home improvement" project, and you get the picture you see here. I have no idea how much the old unit weighs, but I'm guessing it could beat Nicole Richie at the scales. As an added benefit, the clearance between the unit and the hole in the wall in which it is housed is approximately 1/8 of an inch - at best. Perhaps if I had a team of Littles in my apartment (and who knows? I might, they tend to stay out of sight according to the cartoon), I could enlist them to get in there and push from the back while I tugged at it from the front. Since I don't think I have Littles at the moment, this a/c situation is going to require professional help.

Don't worry, I've already called in the pros. It's just that they can't make it out until next Saturday. I won't be surprised if they have the jaws of life with them when they show up. Godspeed, I say. Until then, I'll be languishing on my couch with a heavily iced vodka tonic, trying to forget the reason Joel and I thought it would be a good idea to disable the fan in the old (but still vaguely viable) unit while trying to get it out of the wall.

Saturday Eve

2007-06-08T11:24:00.000-05:00

Now is the time at work when things get boring. No worries - it will be hectic in just a few weeks, but for right now, it's pretty slow. Every year, I try to take advantage of this time to take lunches, leave at 5, and have a better social life. Most of the time, I do okay. I just wish I could take half days on short notice. For instance, yesterday, every bit of work I did happened before noon. Given, I was supposed to be at work until 5, so I stayed, but I could have left at noon and had absolutely nothing to catch up on when I got back in this morning.

Oh well, it's not so bad. I can catch up on my blog, for one. This weekend promises to be less hectic than the last few. It seems strange not to have to pack for once, and to not be going to Enterprise to pick up a car. My wallet, I'm sure, is thanking me. Not just because gas is expensive, but so is car rental!

Joel and I discovered on our last trip out of town that the Enterprise here in Chicago doesn't equip any of its cars with cruise control until you get to the "mid-size" category - Camry, Taurus, etc. I like driving the tiny cars (and they are cheaper)! No cruise control is no problem in the city, but out on the highway, it sucks. Fortunately, Joel is my co-pilot, and I his, so we were able to trade off on the driving duties quite a bit. Still, 12 hours total driving per weekend = tired leg. In other news, it's still less to rent a car when I need one than to pay parking for one when I don't.

Saturday night we're going to Ribfest in the city, but no, we won't be driving. Thank God.

If You Can Make It There...

2007-05-29T13:09:00.000-05:00

Joel and I took a little trip to New York over the weekend. Full details will be available at his blog, so I won't bore you with them, but I did want to pop in and say that we had a great time! I forgot how exhausting New York City is. I mean, it's not just that everything is open 24-7, it's the walking and the subways and the heat. My God, the heat. On Saturday when we showed up, it was about 90 degrees, humid, and stinky, as the city is wont to be during the summer months. I knew this already, mind you, it's just that I've gotten lazy and begun underestimating heat from having lived in Chicago so long now. Also, I did not fully warn Joel of the stinkiness, but I think he got used to it by the end of the trip. Even so, there's nothing on earth that can really prepare you for BNYSST. Ugh. Chicago wins on the cleanliness competition EVERY time.

We showed up in NYC around 10am wearing jeans and polos because it was 60 degrees in Chicago when we left at 4am. We couldn't change because check-in time at the hotel wasn't until 3p, so although we could leave our bags there, we wouldn't have been able to shower or anything. DUR, it got warmer as the day went on! I can't believe I made such a rookie mistake on the layering! Anyhow, we traipsed all over the city that day, but this is my favorite pic, from Bryant Park. Look behind me. WTF?!

Honorable mention favorite pic is evidence of a born and raised Chicagoan enjoying NYC style pizza:

Yeah, he's got the fold down and everything. :)

We had some awesome dinners out during our weekend. We went to Bolo, one of Bobby Flay's restaurants. I had this lamb shank that fell off of the bone, and we shared a lemon cake for dessert that was simply out of this world. On Monday night, we went to this little place on 7th Ave over in Chelsea called Sette. What a nice little surprise! This place had great Italian food, a great wine list, and excellent outdoor seating and people watching opportunities. It's been two years now since I lived there, so it's nice to find new things when I go back. Fortunately, the Mandoo Bar on 32nd is still there, being awesome, as are things like the Empire State Building, Times Square, Central Park, etc. Oh yeah, and the tourists. Joel and I did our damnedest not to "stick out," but with the camera, sometimes it's a little obvious. On the other hand, it's not like we had anything to prove. We do live in a tourist mecca ourselves.

I'm glad I got the chance to drag Joel around to my old haunts and share with him a few of the many things I enjoyed while living in New York. Overall, it was a great trip!

$3.25 a Gallon!?!

2007-05-14T11:55:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've driven regularly, but this weekend, Joel and I went to Evansville for my grandmother's funeral. I had to rent a car, since neither one of us own one anymore, and we got a Dodge Neon. The powers that be like to rent this car to me. I don't mind. It's actually a fun car to drive, and on a weekend when regular gas was $3.25 a gallon, the mileage was much appreciated.

Like I said, I don't really mind driving a Neon now and then. However, this one didn't have cruise control. Doesn't seem like a big deal, right? Yeah, well, Evansville is about 6 hours from Chicago. Now it seems like a big deal. I spent most of my driving time (which was split with Joel - thank goodness!) absentmindedly reaching for the cruise control buttons where they used to be on my Camry. Geez. Next time I rent a car, I'm requesting the cruise control. It's so strange to me that it didn't have that option. This is 2007, right? Every car has a computer now. It doesn't seem totally out of the realm of possibility that cruise control would come standard on most vehicles. Oh, well, aside from the butt/leg/foot cramps we got from actually having to actively regulate our speed on the highway, it wasn't so bad.

I'm still in sticker shock over the fact that it cost nearly $10 to put two and a half gallons of gas in the car before we took it back to Enterprise. Yikes! I'm SO GLAD I don't own a car. I cannot imagine how much more money I would have to spend on gas - let alone parking/insurance/car payments. Maybe I can hold off purchasing a vehicle until all cars run on garbage like in Back to the Future II...

Beer on the Pier 2 - Electric Boogaloo

2007-05-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

Last weekend marked the second annual Beer on the Pier festivities here in Chicago. Of course, our whole "crew" made it out. There were a lot fewer karate kicks by the one and only Piro, but there were a lot more crazy pictures of yours truly. Exhibit A here to the right.

Just want to let you know that I'd only had about two sips of beer at this point. Note the small "tasting" cups all of us are holding. I bet you thought we were just that gigantically cornfed, but you thought wrong.

A good time was had by all. I think the best decision we made was stopping by Billy Goat prior to the event for a pre-game hamburger base. Last year, our biggest mistake was the meatloaf, as you can see here:

I suppose this is really the evidence of the revenge of the meatloaf. Suffice it to say, lesson learned.

Oddly, as much as I was hyped up about Beer on the Pier 2, it didn't turn out to be as much of a drinkfest as I had planned. Which is probably a good thing (see above). Nevertheless, I was on a mission to collect swag from the vendors. At the end of the day, I ended up with a bottle coozy from Shiner Bock, three keychain bottle openers (from Point, Kirin, and Grolsch), a flashing necklace from Corona, and a nylon mini-backpack from...Crunch Fitness? Yeah, Crunch was there, shilling the fitness dream to a bunch of binge drinkers. It was like going to a meat rally only to find that a table of vegetarians had set up shop. I was ready to wallow in my gluttony - instead I left the Pier with a feeling of "wow, that was fun, but I should get back to the gym soon."

Speaking of the flashing necklace - I think this particular piece of swag (which is present at most beer vendor events) is a whole lot like the signs on the freak show tent at the fair. You know, awesome on the outside, and totally bogus once you get what was advertised. "THE BEARDED LADY IS FREAKTASTIC!" the sign taunts. Then, when you get in the tent, there's a fat man wearing lipstick and a dress, barely concealing his deep baritone and prominent Adam's apple. The man boobs help, though, they really do. "HEY, OUR SWAG IS AWESOME," the flashy necklace says, "LOOK AT ALL THE COOL PEOPLE WEARING IT LIKE A BEACON IN THE NIGHT!" Then, when you get to the vendor booth, there's a fat man wearing lipstick and a dress. And Corona.

The Experiment

2007-05-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

Last week I started getting up half an hour earlier. I thought that having some time to myself in the morning to make breakfast, have some home-made coffee, and watch the news would be a good thing for my psyche. You know what? So far, it has. I continued the experiment this morning, and I'm happy to report that the good mood it has been imparting to my mornings has not lessened.

I've learned so far that it's really nice to not feel rushed. I can dry my hair the right way and also put on makeup before I leave the house. (I had picked up the obnoxious habit of carrying it around with me and applying at the office, which is not ideal.) I can drink coffee that costs approximately $0.75 instead of $3.75 and tastes almost as good. I can sit in my robe in front of the television and thumb through an issue of Southern Living, or whatever book I happen to be reading and get a handle on the day before I go hopping in the shower half asleep. Right now the experiment is still just that - an experiment, but I am quite pleased at the results.

The real test will come in the winter, when it's 2 degrees in my apartment. That's assuming, of course, that I stay in this apartment for yet another winter...but that's the stuff of another entry.

Until then - enjoy your Monday - it's already half over!

Why Is This Funny To Me?

2007-05-04T10:30:00.000-05:00

In case you're not a complete Internet dork, there's this whole "thing" out there right now called LOLCATS. In an ongoing saga as part of this particular meme, a walrus loses his bucket. Many photoshops are made. Much time is wasted, and Clare laughs. A lot. Here's the website - you can follow the whole idea. I don't really know what it is about this walrus and his bucket that is so freakin' funny to me. It's a little weird, to say the least, that I would get so much enjoyment out of the tribulations of poor Mr. Walrus. I'm probably overthinking it.

Speaking of which, tomorrow is Cinco de Drinko, and what better way to celebrate than with Beer on the Pier. Last year, this event culminated with Joel and Garrett consuming massive amounts of meat loaf and then wallowing the grief this poor decision making caused. This year, in an effort to avert this outcome, we're eating at the Billy Goat beforehand. How this will make things better, I have no idea. Hope springs eternal, folks. I'll be surprised if our group can make it out of Navy Pier without molesting any statues, let alone without a few stomach "issues." After much experimenting, it has come to my attention that although one can drink most "light" beers all day with little to no untoward side effects, when one starts to mix the good stuff with the regular stuff, fights break out in the stomach party. Guinness doesn't really get along with PBR and vice versa. Not that it's much of a surprise. It'd be like having a party with that guy that sat in the back of health class, picking his nose and adding to the booger garden underneath his desk and Martha Stewart. Some things just don't go together.

Technology Conundrum

2007-05-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

I'm about nine months away from my "new every two" deal on Verizon, and I really want to replace my cell phone. Turns out that buying into the whole Motorola Razr thing when they came out with the pink phone was a bad idea. Should have seen that one coming. Didn't. The phone I have now still beats the pants of what I was working with post-purse stealing, the one I had to pay full retail price for with an old school antenna and no screen on the front of the thing. Don't even get me started on what else it didn't have. Suffice it to say, I really hate the phone I have right now. It's awkward to hold, the keyboard sucks, and I feel obnoxious with a pink phone.

On the other side of things, I'm still rocking an iPod mini from 2005. I know, it's not that long ago, but they don't even make them anymore! Frank is an anachronism at this point. I want a Nano so bad I can taste it. Joel did get me Frank, Jr. for Christmas, which totally rocks and is great for working out, but I feel like a dinosaur on the bus in the mornings with Frank. Also, my headphones are great in terms of sound but crappy in terms of cord length. Maybe my iPod quandary could actually be solved with a new set of headphones. That's an idea. On the other hand, I'll still have Frank in 2008 and still feel like a dinosaur if anyone happens to see him.

Cell phone or iPod - that is the question. I suppose the actual question is why I can't just wait for the free phone and buy the new iPod, but that would severely understate the amount of hate I harbor towards my current cell phone. Turns out, I text message people a whole hell of a lot more now than I have ever before, and the Razr's keypad is so crappy when it comes to that. Heaven forbid my fingernails are longer than 1/8th inch, because I can't get to the keys. I don't know who they designed the keypad for, but it sucks. (FYI - My metaphor muscle is sprained. I've put some ice on it and should be back in effect by next week, but until then, my blogs aren't going to "sparkle.") The text messaging situation is so bad that I'm considering a phone with a QWERTY keyboard like the LG EnV, but it just seems so...teenage? Honestly, Verizon doesn't really have the coolest phones right now, so I suppose it won't kill me to wait 9 months. I should have waited when I bought the Razr, but live and learn, I guess. (Damn, another cheesy saying.)

The unsaid answer to this question of course, is to not buy anything. That sounds pretty good to me right now, with the upcoming travel to NYC along with many weekends spent out in Chicago during the (hopefully) soon to come summer. ::sigh:: I still really want to buy something cool. I guess self restraint wins for now, but soon, soon...victory will be mine!

Here's to you, Candy Corn Goddess

2007-05-02T12:07:00.000-05:00

I have reached the point in my life where all of my friends are at crossroads: changing careers, getting married, earning degrees, and generally growing up. Part of me mourns the days of Haller's vodka and candy corn, but the other part of me is really glad to be out of early twenties purgatory. I was just thinking this morning of how much my life has changed since a couple of years ago, even. Time has begun to move quickly, yet slowly - years fly by, but the individual days can last eons.

All of a sudden, cliche sayings are starting to make sense to me, which is probably the scariest part. Maybe life really IS what happens when I'm making other plans. Maybe time really DOES fly when you're having fun. I have found that these Hallmark-worthy nuggets have endured for a reason. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. I feel dirty now, like I've defiled my cynical sanctuary.

I don't know. I'm beginning to look at life as one big series of decisions. Maybe every year, or month, or week is a crossroads. If you get down to the nitty gritty, every morning you wake up you make a decision to go to work, to eat breakfast, to brush your teeth...and any one of those things could effect the rest of your day, or the rest of your life. Damn. That's enough to keep me in bed for the next millenium. On the other hand, it's exhilirating, knowing that the decision I make to say, go get lunch or not, could be the turning point for the the rest of my life. Simple choices can make big differences. And I like that. I like that a lot. Maybe because I'm always right.

I guess what I'm getting at here is that our potential for change is what makes life worth it in the long run. Do people ever really change? I mean, deep down at the cores of their beings? Probably not. But the struggle for betterment, for something "more" seems to be universal, and after all, if you're not working on something, what's the point? Maybe it's something insignificant, like my most recent quest to learn how to use a round brush. But it's still something. If you're not growing or learning, does your soul atrophy? I'm beginning to think that it does.

Okay, so, I'm going to extricate myself from this line of dangerously deep thought and go eat some lunch. Then, I'm going to read The Superficial for a few hours. Until next time ~

Horse Camp Is Fun!

2007-05-01T11:53:00.000-05:00

I found this on an old backup from my hard drive. I chuckled, thought you might like it:

During the summers of my pre-teen years, I went to camp. The camp I went to was not one of those glamorous “get away from your parents all summer” camps. The most respite my parents ever got from me (or I from them) was two weeks. My camp was set up for girls between the ages of eight and fifteen. All summer long, girls would come and go for stints called “programs.” There was a “program” for everything: macramé, Kumbaya singing, hiking, canoeing, making boondoggle key chains, and of course, horseback riding. As the campers got older, the programs went from one week to two. The camp was in Tennessee, and it was my first taste of roughing it. We ate our meals in a converted barn. We slept in platform tents in the woods. We showered in communal showers, and sometimes, in cold water. It got so hot some summers that we would be relegated to our tents for entire afternoons. The cicadas were so loud some nights that even the big city girls had trouble sleeping.

For four summers in a row, I chose, nay, begged to be enrolled in the camp’s horseback riding program. The horseback riding program had all the extras. We got to get up at 5:30am, muck stalls, groom horses, saddle horses, and feed horses before breakfast. While wearing jeans. In ninety degree heat. In the middle of the summer. Children can be strange: I don’t remember any of us complaining.

I distinctly remember begging my mother to sign me up for the horse program well before I was old enough to be in it. I felt it was my birthright, having grown up in Kentucky. The other girls at camp always thought I already had a horse; so, I figured I might as well look like I knew what I was doing around them.

The camp had a few of its own horses, and some of the horses were on loan from their owners over the summer. In exchange for letting the camp girls ride them all summer, the owners paid quite a bit less than a typical stabling fee. Outside horses were wild cards. Every once in a while, an outside horse would come in that all of the girls would want to ride, some mythical stallion or retired race horse with all of its teeth and an enchanting name like “Beauty,” or “Cherokee.” Usually by the second day of camp friendships had been born and aborted on the basis of who got the best horse. Underlings, assigned to ponies or slow, fat, molting horses, were relegated to two weeks of shame at the barn. Not only did you have to ride your assigned horse for lessons, you had to groom, saddle and feed it every day as well. You were associated with your horse, however terrible, for the entirety of camp.

The camp’s horses had been there since before time started. One pony in particular, Peanut, was at least eight hundred years old. There was Starlight, the fat pony who would hold her breath while you cinched up her saddle, making it necessary to knee her in the stomach to get her to exhale every time you saddled her up. The younger girls would be filing in for their trail rides around noon, and there we’d be, kicking the crap out of Starlight to keep her saddle from sliding off. There was Apache, who had an extremely sensitive mouth, so you couldn’t touch the reins at all. There was Jim, who was old as dirt, and about as likely to kick you as nuzzle your neck. There was Holly. Holly liked to be tied on the end of the tie rail. Otherwise, she’d paw the ground and kick the horses next to her. And of course there were Blackie and Blackberry, two geldings who would hump each other in the pasture next to the horse barn while all of us were lined up for lunch.

For the really little girls, the camp had an activity called Ponies on Parade. Most of the ponies at camp belonged to the camp, and like Peanut, they were ancient and surly. Ponies on Parade started with an obligatory grooming lesson, given by the older girls in the riding program. Then the little girls would pair up and dress the ponies up with hats and ribbons that may well have come over on the Mayflower. The little girls loved it. The ponies? It was easy to see how they got to be so surly. It was Ponies on Parade that finally broke me from my love of diminutive things. Ponies are stupid. You can’t really ride them after you break nine years old or a hundred pounds, and they usually have attitudes. Then again, I don’t suppose most ponies spend their days having curling ribbon tied in their tails by a horde of giggling seven year olds every day of the summer.

During the program, we’d get up really early, go down to the barn, do all of the grooming and stabling duties and then go eat breakfast. After that, we would spend the rest of the morning on our riding lessons, or on trail rides. Riding lessons were actually pretty fun if you didn’t get a crap horse. The camp had a really nice covered riding arena with a tin roof. On rainy days it was calming to be trotting around the ring. On sunny days, it wasn’t as blindingly hot as it could have been. The worst part of riding lessons or trail rides was the helmets. Wearing a helmet when riding a horse makes sense. You can get thrown off and hurt if you aren’t careful. It was the helmets themselves that were silly. We would all be in boots and jeans and cruddy t-shirts, covered in horsehair and horse dirt and horse sweat, and the helmets we wore were dainty, with visors, and covered in black velvet. Oh, yeah, and they were ancient, too. Mostly they served to make us sweaty.

We always got at least one bareback riding lesson. Riding bareback sounds a lot more, uh, sensual than it really is. The instructors usually explained it to us like this: “Jump on this horse’s back. Grab a big handful of mane, and pray to God its trot is a little smoother than playing crack the egg on the trampoline. Oh yeah, and squeeze with your legs to hold on. Hope you used your thigh master over the winter.”

Of course, when it was my turn to ride bareback for the first time, I got assigned the fattest horse in the camp, Starlight. That’s right, the same horse I’d been kneeing in the stomach for a week and a half. Needless to say, she wasn’t very happy with me, but her unhappiness with me was relatively well matched with her happiness not to have a saddle on. Starlight was about two and a half feet across her back. Before I got on, I actually thought I might have gotten lucky - like getting a bicycle seat with extra padding, but once she took off it was really more like trying to ride a yoga ball that’s five feet off the ground. I fell off. Not grandly, not spectacularly, just “ploop” and I was on my back in the sawdust, staring at the roof of the arena. I don’t even think she was trotting. I’m pretty sure I feel off during a walk. Luckily, Starlight was also one of the shorter horses in the stable. My velvet helmet was all of the protection I needed. In retrospect, I like to think of my “brush with death” as an excuse to get to the nurse’s station. It was an especially hot day. The nurse’s station had an air conditioner.

The Nerdification of Clare, pt. II

2007-04-30T10:33:00.000-05:00

Let's be honest, I've always been a nerd. It's getting worse. I've started reading comic books.

It all started innocently enough with my interest in the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I suppose that's nerdy enough in its own right - I mean, 7 books, each at least 800 pages long. Yeah, that was my spring last year. And honestly, I got into that series because I was looking for another long series of books to read after finishing the Lord of the Rings for the second time and waiting for the next Harry Potter. Hmmm....I just read that last sentence, perhaps "nerd" doesn't really cover it anymore.

Anyhow, now there is a comic book series of the Dark Tower series. I loved the Dark Tower series - if anything, it was a great way spend my commute for a few months. The comic books are really awesome, and almost as good as seeing a movie of the books I spent so much time reading. That does seem to be the way things are going these days - toward making movies from graphic novels, comics, etc. For instance, the 300 was a graphic novel before becoming a movie, as was V for Vendetta. I guess it's easier for the movie studios to make movies from comics and graphic novels because the story boards are already finished in a sense. It's like getting illustrations a few years after you've finished reading a book. The only thing is, now I want to read the books again because the comics don't really follow the plot exactly. *sigh* There goes my spring. Or at least the time before the next (last) Harry Potter comes out.

I'm thinking about pre-ordering it. Yeah, I know, I'll be getting a pocket protector free with my purchase.

I Am Very Pale, And Other Adventures

2007-04-23T11:44:00.000-05:00

The last few of weekends for me have been filled with drinking and hanging out with friends from afar. While this sounds ideal, the side effects include: fatigue, lack of sleep, headache, and malaise at work. Not that I'm complaining - I've had a blast for three weeks in a row. First, Jennifer, Lee, and the kids, then the Singers (well, part of them, anyway), and then my guy friends from NYC. To top it all off - this past weekend was absolutely gorgeous. Seriously, it took about 2 months too long to get here, but when the nice weather came, DAMN!

Now, don't get me wrong, it's still really windy, and the weather forecast for Wednesday is "Thunderstorms," not "chance of showers" or "partly cloudy" but "THUNDERSTORMS." Sweet. I suppose there's still one more week to get those April showers in for the May flowers that will inevitably wreak havoc with my sinuses. But hey, I can wear the other half of my wardrobe, so there's that.

Well, there should be that. In a month or so, I'm sure it will be all good, but right now I have two problems with my spring wardrobe: 1) I am about as pasty white as I can get and 2) winter is not kind to your waist line. I actually have photographic proof of my white-i-tude, but I am posting from work so I'll give you this:

I know, a picture of my assistant eating a chicken wing from December seems out of place, but I'm ALMOST that pale. Almost. Ugh. Here's the thing - I refuse to go to the tanning bed. Yes, I do like to be tan, but I've finally decided that I just really don't like paying. Especially now that it's nice out, it seems like an unnecessary expense - I can get tan for free! (That is, I could get tan for free if I just took every nice day off of work and laid on the beach.) I realize that over the summer I will darken up, and the nice weather usually encourages more activity, and thus, smaller pants sizes, but these first few weeks of nice weather, while incredibly welcome, are not psychologically desirable. ***UPDATE*** This is what I get for working on blogs over a series of days. It's been about 40 degrees and rainy for the past three days, so my psyche is totally screwed up right now. Bummed out because of the rain, but also REALLY ready for the nice weather to come back, pale-fatness be damned!

On another note - HEROES IS BACK!!! I really mean all three of those exclamation points, too. I am so happy to watch this show again. If I was wearing my diaper, I would probably pee myself. Fortunately for my reputation, mom and dad did me the favor of potty training. But yeah, I'm excited. Also, my motivation for the gym is back (earning my Heroes episodes), which is nice. Now, however, there are only four episodes left. Tear. This summer is going to be tough - I might actually have to create a life on Monday night again.

When Does Spring Start?

2007-04-10T22:46:00.000-05:00

So far, this April has been slightly more than disappointing. It's supposed to snow again tomorrow. Notice I said "again" denoting that it has already snowed once this month. If April showers bring May flowers, what does April snow bring? May quagmires? The Mist? Ugh.

But enough about the weather. Let's talk about people we hate. Joel and I went to a knife skills class last night at a local cooking school, and we learned a lot. Unfortunately, more than half of the class had a lot to learn and probably didn't come away with much. A lot of this situation had to do with the students themselves. It's only when mixing with the general public that we tend to remember that most people really aren't that bright. Or they just don't care and it comes off as stupidity. Either way, forces aligned on Monday night to mix the oil of stupidity with the water of wit. (You like that? You can use it if you want.) Here's a quick run down of our classmates:

Overly Hyper Perfectionist Empty Nest Mom "Barb" - Yeah. I think her title says it all. Let me summarize this woman with an incident. The class was three hours long. It began with a detailed description of how good knives are made, what they are used for, how to hold both hands when using said knife, basic safety, sharpening, honing, etc. Given, it was a lot of information, but nothing earth shattering or difficult to grasp. Then, for the next hour or two, we learned how to julienne, dice, chop, and mince different types of vegetables. On our second vegetable, the carrot, Barb started crying and exclaiming "I'M NEVER GOING TO ABLE TO DO THIS!" when faced with having to hold her hand in the "relaxed claw" position common to EVERY FREAKING SHOW ON THE FOOD NETWORK. Anyhow, you'd think she was faced with having to choose between rescuing puppies from a meat grinder and saving kittens from being crushed by a steamroller. This would have inspired pity or even empathy in me. Sure, learning a new skill can be daunting. That's a big shiny knife and it can be dangerous if you don't know how to use it. Yeah, I would have empathized or pitied her if she only pulled the theatrics once. But no, the tears were but the tip of the iceberg. The exclamations of joy, the complaints, the "I'LL NEVERS" with this lady just kept on coming, like pus from an infected wound. It's lucky that I stepped away from my knife at the end of the class. I was beginning to lose restraint.

Barb's Son "Pete?" - Maybe his name was Pete, but I don't really care. The bottom line was that Pete was 37 going on 12. He never passed up a chance to make his mom feel inadequate, or refuse to remember our Chef Instructor's name (Rachel) in favor of the oh-so-endearing "HEY TEACHER LADY" he preferred. Her name was on her shirt. Just wanted to get that clear. What else, what else...oh yeah, both Pete and Mom felt the need to speak at top volume throughout the entire class. During instruction, during comments, during questions. Whatever. It was our pleasure to overhear their entire conversation for three hours. He should be glad I stepped away from my knives at the end of class.

Ugly Pale Girl With Allergies "Jen" - First, this girl came in ten minutes late with equally ugly friend in tow, only to realize that the croissants they had bought at the coffee shop had been left at said coffee shop. So Jen advises friend to go back and get the croissants. Fine, whatever, you paid $5 to add fat to your meatball pasty ass, you should get to enjoy it. Ugly friend comes back with croissants in a paper bag, which Jen and Ugly Friend proceeded to crinkle until it was time for us to start using our own knives. Jen and UF are relatively quiet until almost the end of class. DUN DUN DUN - time to learn how to mince jalapenos. Well, guess who has an "allergy" and was "bright red for three days the last time she even got near a jalapeno." You may have guessed from the header. My subtlety score today is -200. Needless to say, drama ensued that involved Jen getting a green pepper left over from demo #3 so that she could rehearse that skill instead of learning how to handle the pepper that gave her so many problems the first time she ran across it. How white can you be? I mean, really? I understand that capsaicin wreaks havoc with mucous membranes. (I was painfully reminded of that lesson when I touched my eye later that night. ) I also understand that it's in salsa, chili, Frank's Red Hot, and basically everything else that's right with the world. How does this girl live without a little heat now and then? I bet she blushes when she sees the "hi-cut" Fruit of the Loom briefs at Wal-Mart. Fine, you have a bad reaction to jalapenos. So just watch this one. At the end of the day, you're not eating them anyway, so must you make a big production about not being able to touch them? It's a pepper, it's not going to walk out of the bowl and rub itself on you. I could've helped it, though, by the end of class. Of course, I didn't. But I COULD HAVE.
Joel and I had Mom and Pete to the right and Jen and UF on the left. Across from us were two utterly vapid girls who nonetheless were okay with their stupidity and at least asked questions occasionally. It would have been nice if they hadn't talked through 80% of the class, though. I'm sure they probably never get to see each other, so it's okay that they paid $40 to stand around and catch up on how much they hate parsley. I was seriously considering getting their numbers so I could call them the next time I go to the movies and make sure that they sit behind me, but I figured with the annoying ninja-fu that people like that seem to have, I would be seeing them there anyway.

But wait - there's more!

"Wendy" shows up 30 minutes late, decides to sit right next to me, and then expects me to recap every kind of knife we have spoken about and show her how to do everything. Hi, Wendy, I'm obviously not "HEY TEACHER LADY," otherwise, I would demand a raise for having to deal with questions regarding...

CutCo knives. That's right. During the discussion of stainless steel, high carbon steel, santoku ("sudoku" as Paul so cleverly called out to everyone within a 50 mile radius), German, Japanese, stamped and forged knives, Jen actually asked our Chef what she thought of CutCo knives. I think I saw Chef choke back vomit before answering.

Joel and I both mastered the claw. But not before...

I cried like a baby whilst chopping onions. Future note: it's a bad idea to stand near the "garbage bowl" for the onion demo. It's also hard to see to chop onions when you're crying. I'm still not buying a pair of these.

I'm pretty sure there were two other "normal" people in the class with us, but it was really hard to tell between being blinded by onion fumes and deafened by Paul and Mom. Nonetheless, I actually learned a lot, and I can't wait to chop stuff. Really. And by "stuff" I mean actual food. I don't know where any of my classmates live, except for Joel, and he bought a badass knife that I may want to borrow.

My Fambly

2007-04-03T16:38:00.000-05:00

Well, I hardly ever get to see them anymore, but when I do, geez, my family is great! Jen and Lee brought the kids up this weekend, and it was so awesome seeing them! Hutchy has grown into a little boy, and by little, I mean really big for his age. He is still obsessed with rocketships, so at least that hasn't changed. Maggie is still mellow as can be. I am so excited to start buying little summer dresses at the baby Gap. It's nice to be able to shop on the other side of that store now.

It's been great growing up with Jennifer and Lee around, and it's even better now that we're all grown-ups. I never thought that we would all end up being as close of friends as we are, but I was just telling Joel last night that when they come up, it's like getting a visit from my friends now, which is completely cool. Lee and I can geek out about books, and Jennifer and I can speed shop, and the kids can run around (or drool, in Maggie's case). I really can't wait until I have a house and yard so everyone can come up and stay in one place (with parking!). I suppose all of that will come in time.

Spring always gives me itchy feet - but I'm really looking forward to the rest of April, because I've got peeps coming in from all over. And of course, after this Sunday, I can once again consume french fries!

For Future Reference

2007-03-10T13:18:00.000-06:00

Boston in my headphones
Chicago in my eyes,
joy replaces venom
my feet can almost fly

Smiling at strangers,
racing them to pass
It's days like these I realize
That running can kick ass

What's It Like To Be Able To Watch TV And NOT Think About This Stuff?

2007-03-06T19:29:00.000-06:00

I am so pissed that NBC is going to make us wait until 4/23 to get another epidsode of Heroes. Of course, having to sell it, I understand why they're doing it. April isn't a sweeps month, therefore, it doesn't matter. Geez. I almost wish we had a sweeps every month, because the TV gets so much better.

I can't believe it's taken as long as it has for the networks to figure out the whole "put the serialized drama on during sweeps, take it off and run crap when it's not sweeps" thing. I mean, they been doing similar things to their news product for years. I'm sure you've noticed how all of the "exclusive reports" on your local news happen during February, May, July, and November. Right? Of course, before I entered the fifth circle of hell known as the ad sales business, I knew there were sweeps, but I didn't know exactly when they were.

See, in the most basic terms, in much of the country, Nielsen only measures viewing four months of the year. The rub is that they also have year-round measurement for household viewing in larger markets, and in the largest markets (Boston, Chicago, LA, New York) they have detailed viewing information for every demographic range due to these neat little computers that sit on top of televisions in Nielsen homes and log in the individuals in each household every time they sit down in front of the TV. In true 1984 style fashion, they are also developing something called a Personal People Meter (PPM) in Dallas that is a beeper-sized piece of electronics that survey participants wear. The PPM measures media exposure all day long - radio, tv, and some outdoor. Basically, it's a survey leash.

Advertisers, of course, are salivating at the data. They want to know what you are watching and how it affects what you buy. I do, too, of course, because it will make my job a little easier. On the one hand, I am slightly conflicted over the "leash" aspect of the meter, but the technological advance is pretty exciting. In the end, though, it will still boil down to an Excel spreadsheet, a bunch of math, and some heartfelt guesses. Because no one REALLY knows how advertising works. Just that it does.

So, keep buying stuff, America. Clare needs a job!

Still Cold

2007-03-05T17:53:00.000-06:00

The high today was 31. But I'm over it. It's not like I went outside or anything - work was so busy I barely had time to microwave Olive Garden leftovers for lunch. Yes, Olive Garden. It was quite tasty - I just wish there was a way they would let you take home a huge bowl of salad, too. I know, I know, it's just iceberg lettuce, but damn, the dressing is tasty.

Overall, it wasn't such a bad day, just a very busy one. And tonight, HEROES! Yay! Joel and I call Heroes one of our "stories," just like we're 85 years old watching soap operas or something. It is quite the addiction, and to this date, the best motivator I've had to go to the gym since the last time I signed up to run the Shamrock Shuffle (which I am running again, by the way - 3/25 - wish me luck!). So yeah, I have to earn Heroes every week by going to the gym and getting at least three hours total of exercise during the week prior to each Monday. I'm missing an hour right now, so I'm actually headed out to the gym, but my Compy 486 was calling my name, so I figured I'd blog.

Maggie is laughing. I'm so excited. I was worried that she was going to be the stoic one of the two of them, but now I know to pack party favors and the laughter is MINE. MWAHAHAHA.

That's about it. Just wanted to update. One of these days I'll start taking pictures again.

Woo of the Week

2007-02-25T14:31:00.000-06:00

And the Woo of the Week goes to: the weather. Alright, last week - too cold! This week? Warmer, but gross and rainy/icy. I just logged on to tell you guys that on my way home from church this morning I managed to step in a puddle of the icy water that was about 4 inches deep.

I really need a pair of those tall rubber rain boots. I want to call them galoshes, but I think galoshes are actually those shoe condoms that guys wear when it's gross out so that they don't have to ruin their shoes. Why don't they make those for women? I suppose the whole heels thing poses a problem, but seriously - it's 2007 - can't we get past that? Why do I have to buy a whole nother pair of shoes to haul around? (Not that I'm really complaining about having yet another pair of shoes, but it can get a little cumbersome always having to carry your nice shoes around. Rubber rain boots don't look too hot with corporate attire.)

New Compy 486 still rocks. I'm going to have to use Frank as a music mule here in a little while. Good thing I have tech support coming over in a few, otherwise I'd never get anything done around here.

Yay for Changes

2007-02-24T16:44:00.000-06:00

This morning, my new computer showed up at my door. I'm so excited! I'm actually blogging from it right this very minute. As soon as I get all of my songs transferred over from the old one, I'll be all set. I can't tell you how awesome it is to have a real keyboard and mouse set up along with a huge monitor. Oh yeah, and not having to wait five minutes for Internet Explorer to open is a big plus as well.

It's a season of change here in Chicago - I just got my hair cut yesterday as well. It's a longish bob now - nothing like the pic in my profile any more. When I stop being lazy, I'll update my look on blogger. Until now, you're just going to have use your imagination. Along with the hair cut, it's my new goal to learn how to use a straight iron successfully. So far, all I can manage is leaving weird crimps in my hair, but it can't be that hard to do - every other girl on the planet seems able to manage it. Plus, if I can master the round brush, the flat iron should come along pretty quickly. Probably by the time I learn how to use the thing, curly, puffy hair will be all the rage again. Hey - don't laugh - remember when we thought leg warmers would never come back? Yeah, they're back, so I'm not discounting the likelihood of a return to mall hair within the next five years. You heard it here first, folks. Mall hair, five years. Write that down.

Not much else doing here. I thought it was going to warm up, but it isn't. It's about 30 degrees right now, and they're predicting a big ice/snow storm within the next few hours. I don't know why I'm screwing around on blogger, but that's how much I love you, loyal reader. I realize that I'm now going to have to wait for the bus in sleet/freezing rain/winter mix, but I updated anyway.

100th Post!

2007-02-16T11:43:00.001-06:00

First, to answer the inevitable inquiries as to my wherabouts: Yes, I have indeed been frozen inside my apartment for the last month and a half. I have missed my blogging adventures, though. Truthfully, I have no good reason to have slacked off so much, but hey, here I am! So yeah, to blogging.

Well, it's -4 degrees here today - it was when I went to the bus stop anyway, and that's when it really matters. Fortunately for me, there was a bus there right away unlike yesterday's debacle. We, too, have been getting buried in snow much like dear Leslie although I don't have any awesome stories about digging out of the snow because I am carless. Most of my adventures have to do with walking through the disgusting snow sludge that happens when a major city gets dumped on with winter weather and the tons of salt required on the roads to keep the traffic moving. I think the word "slurry" best describes snow-salt-water-dirt mixture that's on the sidewalks here. It's usually gray, but it can be pink or blue (depending on what kind of salt is around), and it has the consistency of soft butter. While it has many intriguing attributes like slipperiness, insidiousness, and general ugliness, the most awesome thing about it is that my dumb ass bought Uggs that while warm, are not waterproof past the sole. Ergo, when walking through the slurry, it only takes about five minutes for my socks to get wet. Wet socks + waiting for the bus = unhappy Clare. Actually, right now the slurry is frozen, but during the "heat wave" earlier this week that involved temperatures above zero, it totally sucked.

Anyone can love it here during the summer, but when the weather gets incredibly crappy for a really long time, the city tests your love. Just like any dysfunctional relationship, the city then gets so awesome during the summer that you don't really remember how shitty the winter was, and you're lulled into a sense of calm about how you like to live here and how great it is. Then - BLAM - 2 feet of snow and a windchill that makes those ridiculous fur hats with the ear flaps look like a viable option. I do, however, feel like I'm becoming a true Chicagoan because on Tuesday, when the high was 25 and there were winds of over 40 mph coming off the lake, I thought to myself: It's nice out! My snot isn't frozen!

The day that I actually appreciate non-frozen snot is here. And look, so is my 100th post.

Ziggy Played Guitar In The Band

2007-01-11T18:56:00.000-06:00

I alluded to the crack-like properties of Guitar Hero in my post about Christmas. I stand by my earlier statement. I was away from it for a little over a week, and within three days of returning to Chicago, I was whining at Joel to let me play...and also very disappointed to see that my skillz had lessened considerably from the last time I had played. The hiatus had injured my abilities!

It's really sad that I'm nearing the end of my 25th year on the planet and I still get upset when I'm not good at video games. You'd think I'd have figured this out already. It works kind of like those proofs from high school. You know, those statements where if the first two sentences were true, then the last sentence combining them was true. (I realize that there is a formal name for this, but please remember that I went to school in Kentucky, and the last time I had a math class was in the past millenium.) Something like: 1) Clare is a girl. 2) Most girls aren't that good at video games. Therefore, Clare probably isn't good at video games.

Why is that? I mean, why aren't there are ton of girls playing Need for Speed or Madden '06 right now? Why is it that for Christmas a girl is about a million times more likely to ask for a giftcard to J. Crew than an XBox 360? It's not like we didn't all have Ninetendo or Sega or even Atari back in the day. Think of the last ad for a videogame that you saw. It was probably for one of those realistic war games. I can't say that I speak for all of female-kind, but I do know that most girls I know would rather go get a pedicure than kill pixelated soldiers. Most of us have a working knowledge of video games. Leslie and I definitely killed some serious time in college with her old Sega - but until Guitar Hero came along, I haven't actually wanted to play a modern video game since the Nintendo 64, and then the only game I liked was Mario Kart 64 (definitely very girly!).

But back to Cracktar Hero. Proof that this game is awesome? See my sister's blog. And if that doesn't convince you, consider this: Joel's sister, who never expressed interest in Playstation 2 prior to Cracktar Hero, has purchased not only the game to play at her friend's house, but has recently purchased a Playstation 2 for herself so that she can get her fix at home. Yep. Crack.

Thanks, Sony. When is Guitar Hero III going to come out? Even with my sucktacular skills, I'm sure Joel and I will have both I and II beaten on Expert by summer. We just can't resist playing!

Another Year, Another Post

2007-01-05T21:25:00.000-06:00

Here I sit on the last official night of my vacation, and I really can't believe it's 2007. The Princess Bride is on, which is slightly comforting, but other than that, I'm left facing the fact that I'm about to turn 26, people who were born in 1993 are in high school, and bands with exclamation points in their names are topping the Billboard charts. (Yes, Panic! At the Disco, that is a freaking pretentious band name. That being said, could you loan me $5? Because the concept certainly seems to be working out for you.)

Most of this week, I spent hanging out at my parents' Florida house, taking naps and watching reruns of CSI: Miami interspersed with daily showings of Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas. I also read Crime and Punishment during my spare moments. Yep, it was a pretty heavy read, but not nearly as dense and boring as its fellows on most high school AP English summer reading lists. Emmet Otter, on the other hand, is a rarely shown Christmas classic, starring Jim Henson's Muppets, and scads of awesome music. If you happen to find a copy of it on DVD, and you have a spare 20 minutes, watch it - even if it'sJuly. You won't be disappointed. We've become far to spoiled with all of this CGI animation stuff. Sure, it looks great, but Muppets....well, Muppets can take you back to the 80s almost as fast as Gloria Estefan and a power tie. (There I go, wanting it not to be 2007 again.)

So, anyhow, I suppose 2006 wasn't so bad. I'm almost to my 100th post...I'll try to cook up something special for everyone when the fateful entry happens. Until then, I wish you all (as Hutchy says) a Happy New Christmas!

Postalicious

2006-12-27T10:17:00.000-06:00

So it's 12/27, and I'm at work. It's not so bad, really, because half of the people I work with in the office, as well as most of our clients, are still out on vacation. All I really have to do this week is show up and answer the phone and do a few reports. It's a nice change from the craptacular few weeks I had leading up to Christmas.

Joel and I had a wonderful time on our Christmas travelganza. On Friday night, we had our Christmas dinner at Ditka's here in Chicago. It was AWESOME - and yes, Joel ate a steak that was probably a little bit bigger than my head, but hey, what are the holidays without mass consumption of meat? Joel gave me an iPod shuffle for working out (if I actually get back on the wagon) that I promptly named Frank Junior. Then, on Saturday, my obligatory holiday season cold stepped in to keep me from doing anything besides playing Guitar Hero (my gift to Joel) all day. I suppose I was a pretty pitiful sight, sitting on Joel's couch in sweats surrounded by scattered Kleenex and grapefruit juice bottles, trying to master "Message in a Bottle" on a small toy guitar, but hey, what are the holidays without a little bit of sloth?

Sunday morning, it was time to begin the travelling portion of the Joel and Clare show. With me still sniffling, Joel and I packed up the rental Subaru Legacy that Hertz thought was the same thing as the Ford Escape (or similar) that we had reserved. But hey, it was better than the other option - a minivan. The Legacy was a nice car even though the room on the inside was slightly smaller than what we had planned for. Everything fit in the end and Joel liked driving it, which was important, because we had some serious driving to do. First stop, his parents' house for Christmas Eve dinner, church, and "exchange gift," which Mr. and Mrs. T get as much of a thrill from as a couple of toddlers. At the parental domicile, I learned of two excellent cold remedies straight from the Philippines. 1) Calamansi - this is a fruit related to the lime/lemon family, except for its about 8,000 times more sour than a lime ever dreamed about being. It tastes awesome when you have a cold, though, and it opens up your sinuses when you are congested. The T's keep it in little frozen packets the size of ketchup packets, I drank it in green tea. I started to feel better. 2) Joel's mom's chicken-ginger soup - yum. Just...yum. It was about the only thing that I could taste all weekend besides the calamansi

Stop number two had us awake at 530 on Christmas morning, headed to Evansville to see my extended family. This would have been fine had Joel's sister not taken to Guitar Hero much like Joel and I did, causing us to stay up until 1 trying to master the "medium" level. Fortunately, the weather was great (not that cold at all, and no snow) except for a little fog in the morning and rain as we neared Evansville. We made it to my aunt's house in a little over five hours. Most of our time on the road was spent eating ham sandwiches from Joel's mom and shuffling through the offerings on Joel's iPod (New Hotness) and Frank. Once at my aunt's house, we had a huge "all family" gift exchange with all of my cousins as well as the Ezells and my mom and dad. It was a lot of fun! With Hutch toting around his "Woody" (the doll from Toy Story) and Maggie providing baby excitement for everyone, it was like Christmases of old, with little kids running around and wrapping paper flying. Oh, and the teenagers (plus Jennifer and Lee) really liked Guitar Hero. No surprise this time, though - turns out Guitar Hero is like musical crack. At least now we know. We also stopped by the nursing home to see my grandmother and to let her meet Joel. She's doing well there, although she does seem to get shorter every time I see her.

After getting slightly more sleep Christmas night, Joel and I headed back to Chicago after having a couple of Dad's homemade cinnamon rolls (YUM!) and various "country" meat products (sausage, ham, bacon; country = salty). The drive back up was pretty uneventful, and now I'm home with a new microwave, thanks to Jen and Lee. I can cook hot pockets in under half an hour again. I'm so happy.

It was really nice to be able to see everyone over the holiday. Now I just wish the next year and a half would hurry up so I can get my 5 extra vacation days. Next time, I'm taking the week!!

Fa La La La La, La La, La...LA!!

2006-12-07T17:14:00.000-06:00

I was just thinking that I hadn't heard "Deck The Halls" yet, but that may be due to the fact that I no longer listen to the radio, and I'm no longer obligated to put on a concert during the month of December. Living in Chicago, I am, however, obligated to tell you how cold it is. It's freakin' cold. So cold that it's the top story on the news - in Chicago, mind you - this isn't the news in Atlanta, where anything below 30 degrees is a huge deal. This is the windy city, where the top story today was that the wind chill was -5 at my bus stop.

So anyway, it's cold and I'm still getting some serious use out of my snow boots from last winter. Every morning I congratulate myself on the day I bought them.

I went to Quincy, IL on Tuesday for work. Boy, that was exciting. I did get to go to lunch with an 84 year old at a place named Fiddlesticks, so there's that. I also go to watch a live newscast in the studio, which was actually pretty cool. There are parts of my job that don't totally suck. These parts do not include the 4.5 hour train ride from Quincy to Chicago that included the passenger behind me telling his seatmate all about his brushes with the law in both Quincy and Chicago. Let's just say he was well versed in the criminal justice system. His seatmate was a lawyer. Go figure.

Work is hellish right now - I usually get here around 830a (at least) and I haven't left before 6p for the last couple of weeks. This wouldn't be so terrible if I got a chance to go to lunch during the day, but that's gone by the wayside as well. C'est December in my little hole of the media biz.
Thanksgiving was pretty awesome - even with "Battle Turkey" between Lee's mom and my Dad (Rhoda made a smoked turkey, dad made a regular one). The benefit for battle turkey is that it ensures plenty of leftovers for turkey pot pie. This year's TPP was EXCELLENT. Thanks, mom! It was great to see Hutch, Maggie, Jen, and Lee - I can't wait to get back over New Year's and lay some smack down in Hand and Foot.

In brighter news, I'm 90% finished with my Christmas shopping. I think I did a pretty good job this year. I'm excited to give people the things that I have found for them, and I'm also excited to wrap presents. I'm not putting up a tree, but there will be a nice pile of gifts located somewhere in my apartment as soon as I dig up some boxes.

So yeah - that's about it. Other than counting down the days to Christmas and working like a dog, things are good.

When I Get Pissed, You Get Mist

2006-11-07T21:39:00.000-06:00

This is what it looks like outside today:

I don't think there's anything that would make me want to get out of bed and go to work LESS. It's not rain. It's not snow. It's not wind...it's The Mist. The Mist sucks because umbrellas are useless against it. Basically, you're walking through a huge cloud. Traffic sucks so the buses are slow. Meanwhile, I'm stuck waiting in a bus shelter that has become completely useless because The Mist is crafty. It will infiltrate any system you devise to keep away from it. In addition, The Mist smells like the dregs of Lake Michigan. The Lake is generally pretty nice looking, and it doesn't usually smell in the summer time, but during The Mist-time, it takes on a very fishy quality. I'm sure there's some human waste and industrial sludge in there as well, but it mostly smells like Bad Florida Trash minus the heat. I take that back, it's about 2% of the strength of Bad Florida Trash, but it's still not pleasant. Think of what the refrigerator would smell like if you let a piece of salmon sit in there about a week too long. Oh, and the temperature of the surrounding air is about the same.

On a side note, the only thing that smells worse than Bad Florida Trash (BFT) is Bad New York Sushi Summer Trash (BNYSST). While BFT's saving grace is that it usually occurs near the beach due to some family's shrimp dinner rotting away in 90+ degree heat in the dumpster, BNYSST is much more agressive. Appropriate, since it is a New Yorker. Just like BFT, BNYSST is due to raw fish products being exposed to 90+ degree heat, but it has the added degree of disgusting in that it usually found on the sidewalk, and it is nowhere near the beach. Also, BFT is typically aided by a beach breeze, where as BNYSST tends to linger among the buildings that are blocking the breeze from the (also smelly) East and Hudson Rivers. BFT is easy to escape, since you're on vacation (probably), so you can just continue on your way to the beach and immerse yourself in the smell of coconut. In contrast, attempting to escape the smell of BNYSST will inevitably lead you to the subway. Anyone who has been to New York in the summer knows that this is a lateral move at best.

In the summer of 2005, the NYPD CSI squad was called to an Upper West Side neighborhood because the smell coming from one of the sidewalk garbage piles was so intense that people three blocks away could smell it. The people that worked and lived on the block with the offending bag could barely make it to their homes and workplaces. This being Manhattan, everyone assumed the smell indicated that there must be some sort of human remains involved.

The culprit? BNYSST. The police uncovered fish remains in the offending bag while wearing HazMat suits. It was about 95 degrees outside that entire week. In comparison, I suppose the smell of The Mist isn't so terrible.

The Mist, however, does mess up my hair a lot more - and that's what really matters here.

Playlist Purgatory

2006-10-30T21:25:00.001-06:00

Frank and I have been disagreeing lately. It seems that he always wants to play the same songs. No matter how much new stuff I add for him to play, he insists on "Grillz" by Nelly, "The Wood Song" by Indigo Girls, "One" by Theivery Corporation, and "Rock N Roll" by Eric Hutchinson. All of them decent songs, mind you, but none of them are on my list of songs I'd like to hear 20 times a day. Apple seriously touted the shuffle feature on the iPod, but well over a year with Frank and upwards of 660 songs to choose from, I've surmised that the shuffle feature is only slightly better than the "random" feature on any CD player. No matter how many new songs I add, or what playlist I'm in, Frank will always pick one of these four songs first. Also, when I skip a song by a certain artist, there's about a 75% chance that the next song that cues up will be by the artist I just skipped. Listen, Frank, if I didn't want to hear one James Taylor song, what are the chances I'm going to want to hear a different one?

Maybe I'm just growing restless with sturdy Frank. The third generation of the iPod nano is out, and man, they are sweet - thin, metal covered, and in the same color selection as the original iPod mini. Right now, I could walk to the Apple store and get an iPod nano with a flash drive (much less likely to skip and screw up if dropped) and twice the memory of Frank for the same price that I paid for Frank merely 15 months ago. Are you reading that Frank? You've become obsolete. I mean, you were obsolete the week after I bought you (which was totally my bad for not reading up on my purchase), but I loved you anyway. But if you're going to continue with the bad song selection, I may just have to put you on notice. It's almost Christmas time, Frank, and I wouldn't want to have to trade up as a gift to myself this year...

On the one hand I feel bad dogging on Frank. I mean, ultimately it's my music selection that he plays for me. I really need to update my playlist, but I've been complacent. Perhaps I will do something to uphold my end of the bargain, but Frank, he's got to come around, too.

Either way, he still doesn't have a color screen.

Monday Night is Awesome

2006-10-23T17:54:00.000-05:00

Tonight is for Heroes.

For the love of everything holy - start watching this show if you haven't already. Every episode gets better and better and the characters are great. The premise is that all of a sudden "normal" people start discovering that that they have supernatural powers. There is a cheerleader (named Claire!) who can spontaneously heal herself. There is a Japanese guy who can teleport and control time. There is an internet stripper who has a dangerous alter-ego. There's a heroin addict that can paint the future...the list goes on to include a telepathic cop, a politician who can fly, and a guy that "absorbs" the powers of whichever hero he is with. Add to this motley crew an evil man in hornrimmed glasses and a mysterious (and deceased) Indian doctor who was close to figuring out the key to all of these people's powers, and you've got a show that leaves you wishing that weeks were shorter.

This show is like one part X-Men, one part CSI, and one part totally awesome. Seriously - this is the only show I will tape. That's right, I'm old school - no TiVo. For instance, last Monday when the Bears game was on, I knew I wouldn't get to see Heroes, so I actually set my VCR to tape it. Joel and I watched it the first chance we got - then we watched it AGAIN on Sunday night when NBC reran the first three episodes. Let me rephrase that - we were EXCITED about reruns.

Initially, I had to talk Joel into watching it with me. Given, the pilot episode took a little bit to get started, but at the end, we couldn't wait to see the second installment. Unlike Studio 60, for which we both had high hopes in the beginning, Heroes simply seems to gain momentum as it goes on, like a snowball rolling down a mountain of complete and utter coolness. Studio 60, on the other hand, was so craptacular last week that we turned it off halfway through. Seriously, I think the comedians on Best Week Ever said it best: I keep wanting to like it, and it keeps letting me down. Studio 60 was so awesome right out of the gate, but the writers are really getting bogged down in the Harriet character. Frankly, she bores me. But back to Heroes.

You should watch it. Just like I will be in a couple of hours.

26.2

2006-10-22T17:48:00.000-05:00

Today was the Chicago Marathon. The route goes right by my house, so of course, Joel and I went to cheer and watch this morning around 8 o'clock. I had a friend from New York running in it, but I would have been out there anyway, just because cheering the runners on turned out to be really fun. Oh, yeah, and it was like, 35 degrees and drizzling rain, so we figured they needed every bit of encouragement they could get!

40,000 people signed up for the marathon this year. That's more people, in fact, than live in the town I grew up in! My neighborhood was in between mile 7 and mile 8 on the route this year, so most people running were still looking really good. We got outside in time to catch the tail end of the "elite" runners - you know, the ones wearing tank tops and underwear looking shorts with absolutely no body fat whatsoever? Yeah, them. The winner of the race this year ran the marathon in just a little over 2 hours. Joel asked me while we were cheering if I could imagine running a marathon in 2 hours - I can't even imagine running a marathon, let alone running it in a pace under four minutes a mile. I cannot believe that 40,000 people all decided to run that far! So many people were normal looking, old, chubby, short, tall, men and women. It was inspiring to see so many people taking on the challenge.

I especially enjoyed those runners who took the time to run in a costume. There was a pair of women dressed up like Thing 1 and Thing 2 from Dr. Seuss. I'm sure they got laughs and cheers the whole way. Also, I liked the people who put their names really large on their shirts. It was so much easier to say "Go Pam!" or "Go Andy!" than to just generically yell out "Keep it up guys! Looking good! Way to go!" I did, however, yell all of those things for about forty-five minutes. Eventually, Joel and I stopped being able to feel out fingers, so we went to Ann Sather and had a huge breakfast to fuel up after such a long day of standing on the sidelines watching runners go by in droves. By the time we were finished, only the walkers remained on the street.

It was definitely an energetic morning. I was so proud of my fellow Chicagoans on the sidelines, all of us braving the weather to cheer on those who had decided (for whatever whacked out reason) to run 26.2 miles around our city. For many, I'm sure it was a first Chicago experience, and I'm glad that the city decided to show up, too.

Hook It To My Veins!

2006-10-17T13:47:00.000-05:00

(I'm going to attempt to start this blog with an actual point. We'll see how far I get.)

Lately on the news in Chicago (besides Bears coverage and the fact that the Cubs have hired a new manager with a penchant for throwing bases) the story of a little girl who died at the dentist's office has been all over the place. Basically, a five year old girl went to the dentist, the dentist sedated her to do work on her teeth, and she promptly went into a coma and died a few days later.

They're already having hearings on the case and the news is reporting eyewitness accounts of what happened. It's extremely sad that this little girl died, but I think a lot of the coverage of this story is missing a major point: What the hell kind of terrible shape do your teeth have to be in for your dentist (parent, legal guardian) to think that it is necessary to sedate you before the work gets done? I can understand that going to the dentist is not fun, and sometimes it hurts, but they have these things called local anesthetics - you know, novocaine, nitrous oxide - that make the experience a lot less harrowing. Since when did people rely on valium to calm down their children for a trip to the dentist and think that was a routine thing? The key question in the case is whether the doctor is at fault for giving the child too much medication, thereby causing her coma and subsequent death. My key question is how in the world dentists got to the point of giving valium to five year olds in the first place.

Given, many people suffer from very painful dental conditions that require large amounts of medication to make any trip to the dentist tolerable. How a five year old would have gotten to that point is beyond me. Most people go to the dentist and deal with the discomfort for a lifetime without ever having to be put all the way under. They can remove your wisdom teeth (major surgery!) without having to render you unconcious. We live in a miraculous medical age, but in many ways it seems that we have also become wusses because of it. No, your child isn't going to have fun at the dentist. Yes, getting a filling is uncomfortable. Does that warrant heavy drugs for someone who can't even read yet?

Perhaps its all a symptom of the plastic surgery boom. As a culture, have we decided that major surgery isn't so major after all? Fat? Just get lipo - if it hurts, here, take this incredibly strong painkiller. Boobs too small? Here, have some implants. If something goes wrong with them, just sue the company that made them! Teeth that suck? Veneers! Who cares if they have to file your teeth down to little nubbins to put them on - at least they're straight! You didn't like your coffee hot anyway, did you?

Don't get me wrong, modern medicine is pretty awesome. They can implant a chip in your brain that allows you to control a computer if you are quadraplegic, they can make prosthetic limbs that can think for themselves, and even artificial hearts. Modern medicine, however, is still not the answer to everything. It's great that we're able to make certain things pain-free, but it's not great that the option for being pain-free sometimes precludes common sense.

That is all. Serious Clare signing off.

Cherries Jubilee And That's It

2006-10-15T16:18:00.000-05:00

I'd have to say that I've been having a very grown up weekend. So far, I've cleaned out my closet, cleaned my apartment, gone to the grocery store, and done all my laundry. It's only 4p on Sunday! I even sold some of my clothes instead of getting rid of them - that's +$40 for Clare. I'm not going to talk about how I immediately went to 9 West and bought a $30 bag after getting money for my threads, but I will talk about how that $30 bag was originally $60. WOOHOO sales!

I've been on a quest lately for tall brown boots. I've got a pair from college that are getting ragged, and I'm currently looking for a lower heeled, nice pair of boots that can do double duty as dress and casual wear. This is a more complicated shopping process than it may sound like. Also, I have an added degree of difficulty called "bird legs." In the age of "also available in wider calf sizes" I am the exception. I have no idea which parent is responsible for the complete lack of muscle on the lower half of my legs, but it has led to many a failed boot purchase. Some gap would be okay at the top of a boot, but I don't like feeling like I could wear another set of boots underneath the boot and still have room to spare. They don't make socks thick enough to take up the extra space unless you count leg warmers. In some ways, this is an advantage, though, because a lot of boots that you find at DSW and the like end up there because we live in the age of "also available in wider calf sizes." The wider calf sizes are obviously selling.

For now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll find new boots before winter is over. Until then, I'm just going to have to invest in some tights.

I Love Project Runway!

2006-10-12T15:14:00.000-05:00

In my old age, I am becoming quite boring. Actually, it's sort of nice for my job and all that I like television so much, because I DO have to deal with it on a daily basis. I watched Part I of the Project Runway finale last night with Joel. I love that show so much, even if I'm kind of ticked that they've dragged out the ratings grovelling by splitting the Finale into two parts...a week apart from each other. I've come up with a short list of why this show is my favorite reality show of all time:

Tim Gunn is the best person on a reality show - ever. He's always immaculately dressed and perfectly composed. I bet he's the kind of person that carries monogrammed hankies and makes beautiful place cards for everyone when he has dinner parties. Of course he has dinner parties! C'mon - he's Tim Gunn!
The rest of the "cast" is actually talented. Their not just on a reality show to get married or spend a month (insert location here) to win (insert prize here). The people on Project Runway have a love for fashion and the desire to make a career out of design, whether they win or not! Plus, there's no idiotic "voting" people off by the other contestants, so you don't have to sit through hours of drivel about the "strategy" of a game that consists of sitting around in a house for months at a time (Big Brother, don't go acting like you don't know that's you!).
The people on the show are cookie-cutter "types"(I'm looking at you, Real World). It may be that the show has an ultimate goal and it is a competitive environment, but I feel like I can learn so much more about a person by watching them hem a skirt than lay around in a hot tub (that's you again, Real World).
There are geniuine nutcases on camera - like Vincent - that are an absolute blast to watch. I mean, television doesn't really get any better than the off the cuff, f-bomb filled tirade that Vincent went on when the producers had a couple of his shirts laundered instead of dry cleaned. Holy crap. NUTJOB.
You actually feel bad for the contestants during the show as well as when they get kicked off. The things that the show asks of them are completely ridiculous - for instance: here's half a slinky, a highlighter, and some staples - now make an evening gown! That is a crummy task! Yeah, sure, hanging out on an island is hot and you're tired all you Survivor people, but I care a hell of a lot more about whether Uli finishes her dress for the final show than what alliances you make any given week.

You should watch it. No doubt, Bravo will be re-running it all this week leading up to Part II of the finale.

Just Keep Swimming

2006-10-11T13:26:00.000-05:00

The doldrums have passed for now, and you know, that list actually really helped...I think. Today I am in a much better mood, so there's that. I don't even have the weather to thank for it. I mean, it's really disgusting outside right now. You know how fall is all or nothing? I mean, you can get like, AWESOME 60 degrees, sunny, beautiful leaves on the trees, light breeze days or you can get TERRIBLE, 45 degrees, cloudy, spitting rain, bus splashes dirty street water on you, wind that knocks you down days. Maybe that's just Chicago. I know in Atlanta there's no actual "fall," they save that weather for "winter." Anyhow, today is one of the TERRIBLE options.

It's the crappy weather days that make me dread winters. That being said, I'm actually pretty excited about breaking out my fall wardrobe right now. Summer's really not my best season, since looking professional and staying cool when it's eight million degrees out don't really go hand in hand. (Don't forget to add to that the degree of difficulty that I chose to live in an apartment with F+ airconditioning.) I'm looking forward to when it gets cold enough to snow, because you don't have to worry about toting around an umbrella. Breaking your ankle on sidewalk ice? Yes. But having to manage an umbrella, the Red Eye, and your bag while standing on a crowded bus? No.

I've finally figured out the bus. It's always going to suck. There's no reason to get all huffy about it, I just have to suck it up and cram on when a bus comes by and be on time, or wait for an emptier one and be five minutes late. I mean, honestly, I think I might need to go back to Atlanta for just a day or so, see what the highway is like, and then I will remember how much I really really despise driving during rush hour. Even on the bus's worst days, I'm not that late, and I still don't have to drive to work. Public transit does have a way of making me hate people, though.

For instance: it's not that people talk on cell phones while they ride. That, I'm okay with. I mean, people in their cars are on their phones and trying to drive, so at least no one's life is at risk because you have to catch up with your friends. The problem is that people talk on their cells phones at weird hours, loudly. I mean, yesterday, I was crammed into the back of the bus next to this girl at who was having a phone conversation for the entire time she was on the bus...at 7am!! Who in the world are you going to talk to for half an hour at 7 in the morning? More importantly who wants to talk to you at 7 in the morning? Given, there are occaisions during which parental units are awake and functioning while you are on your way to work, but I'd have to think that these conversations would not need to be longer than say, five or ten minutes.

Perhaps it's just that I really don't care to talk on the phone that much anymore, so I have a lot of trouble figuring out what, exactly, it is that people have to talk about every hour of every day. Who are these people that use up 1000 anytime minutes every month? What's wrong with me that I'm not one of them? What's up with these kids and their "MySpace" and "blogs" and "TiVo" and "email"? Back in my day we had snail mail and we liked it! We couldn't take the bus because there weren't any paved roads 'cept for the one downtown! We ate gruel for every meal and it was always winter!

Wait...

I think I started to channel my Granddaddy there for a minute. Weird. Apparently Granddad knew how to type.

I'll leave you with that.

Doldrums

2006-10-10T18:40:00.000-05:00

I'm fighting off a pretty terrible case of "the Octobers" right now, so here's my happy list:

1) I got a raise today! Woo!
2) I have a wonderful, loving, happy boyfriend.
3) The Bears are 5-0 for the first time in 20 years. People who can vote and drive weren't even born the last time this happened!
4) I can still get away without wearing pantyhose.
5) It's Cara's birthday today! Who can be upset on Cara's birthday? :)
6) The "skinny pant" style is getting backlash from people in the fashion industry as well as us regular Janes.

Ned? Ned Ryerson?!?

2006-10-05T12:58:00.000-05:00

In the past few weeks, I have discovered that a couple of my sorority sisters from Denison live and work in Chicago. Normally, this wouldn't surprise me, but they both work in my industry. Now, they both work at the same agency. One of them is actually an assistant to one of my customers, meaning that she sees my name attached to her work on a daily basis.

I've seen both of them now a couple of times randomly on the street and said hello. Here's the big news - neither one of them seems to remember who I am. This is a little bizarre to me considering that Denison has a total student body of about 2,000, and my sorority was little more than 95 women. Granted, we didn't live in the house together, but we all spent the better part of three years worth of Mondays down there for chapter meetings. These girls are both a year younger than me, so it's not like we only bumped into each other for a semester or something. Oh yeah, and I was VP my senior year so I spoke at EVERY CHAPTER MEETING. It seems like those would be the people that you would at least vaguely remember if you were going to remember anyone from your sorority. Last but not least, I remember them - so it would stand to reason that my terrible memory for faces and names would at least retain people that would remember me in return.

I have mixed feelings about the whole situation. On the one hand, I'm hurt that these girls won't even acknowledge that maybe they know me and they should at least try to remember me, and on the other hand, I can chalk it up to general bitchiness that perhaps I wasn't aware of when we were at school together. Mostly, I think it's totally lame that there are people out there that value others so little that they can't even be bothered to attempt to make new friends. It must be nice to know so many people that you couldn't POSSIBLY add to your extensive group of friends.

Perhaps I've grown jaded and a little too ready to find familiar faces in a crowd after bouncing around the country for three years. Perhaps these girls weren't worth knowing in the first place. I think that's the part that makes me the most angry - all of these years since college I've been wasting valuable brain storage remembering them.

Annuals, The Joy of

2006-10-04T16:26:00.000-05:00

(I can't post pictures at the moment - stupid blogger. Here's another long block of text!)

My business has one busy season. It's called "annuals." I suppose that's an appropriate name since it comes around once a year. Basically, it's the time when clients book their entire ad schedule for the coming year. Sure, for the rest of the year we're busy maintaining that schedule and adding to and taking away from it, but September to December is when all of the real work happens.

Unfortunately, this is also the time of year that includes Thanksgiving, Christmas, tons of craptacular weather, changing bus schedules, meetings, parties, Halloween, and various other forms of fun things. Well, the ad industry is fun like that. The time of year that I would most like to take a week off and say, see my family, is the exact same time of year that I am prevented from taking even a long lunch. This week, I've been at the office before 8am every day. I eat lunch at my desk so I can get out of this forsaken place by 5p. My brain and eyes are so tired by 5 that I'm pretty useless anyhow, but most of the time I perservere just to find three or four emails every morning sent by one of our customers around 7 or 8 the previous night.

I didn't really get on here to rant about work - all of the long hours are just part of the job. I mean, the Fridays off in the summer and the other days I do get to get away from the office kind of make up for it. Oh yeah, and I can go drinking after work with a customer and call it a business expense, which it is, but it's one of the small perks of being in sales. The only kicker is that I don't really want to go out drinking with my customers after spending all day on the phone with them - I really like to see the people that DON'T have anything to do with work after immersing myself in it all week.

The crappy part about the long hours is not being able to really squeeze extra vacation out of designated Christmas and Thanksgiving time off. Some of our agencies take TWO WHOLE WEEKS off during Christmas season, but not us. See, the problem is that television is on ALL THE TIME, so our stations aren't ever really and truly closed, which leaves us to have to be in the office to serve our paying clients. It's really stupid. I mean, the things we would need to do can't really get done because the agencies aren't around, but there's always that one jerk client that calls on Christmas Eve at 430p just to make sure one of us is in the office because he has to be. Seriously. I realize we're in business to make money, but you've got to give your people a break sometimes!

It's always this time of year that I lament the fact that my family is far away, and there is no "driving up for the weekend" to see my sister or my mom and dad. I'm certainly jealous of the proximity of Joel's family. On the other hand, I did a stint in Atlanta and it's just not the place for me. I knew I wasn't going back to Hopkinsville, and now with my career choice, I'm 100% limited to major markets if I stay with this company. We don't have an office in New Orleans, so in order to be close to my family again, that would mean going back to Atlanta, which, like I said, just isn't the place for me. Alas, I love Chicago - I just wish it was closer to the rest of my family!

All things considered, it's worth it. I still get to see my family, just not as much as I would like, but the trade off is that I get to work and live in an awesome city and work with great people and a manager that I actually like (they DO exist, but I realize how rare they are!). Thus, the everyday trumps the special, and who knows? Once I've had enough of the corporate world, North Georgia could turn out to be the place for me!

Spidey's Revenge

2006-09-25T13:31:00.000-05:00

Things I Learned This Weekend:
1) Do not attempt to flush paper towels down the toilet.
2) If you kill a spider, it will have its revenge.

I was about to get into the shower on Saturday morning when I saw a relatively large spider hanging out in my bathtub. It wasn't huge, but it was big enough to be scary. It wasn't just it's legs, either, it was like the size of a wasp but with eight legs and hanging out in the bottom of my bathtub. Now, bugs don't usually bother me that much, but as it were, I was about to get into the shower and my weapons were limited. I wasn't about to kill it bare handed or footed, so my bright idea was to get two paper towels, wet them, and bomb the little sucker- thereby killing it as well as avoiding having to touch it or chase it around with a shoe.

I killed the spider pretty easily, but everything went downhill from there. Instead of just throwing the paper towels away, I threw them into the toilet. I was really worried that the spider was just playing possum although I had reduced it into little more than a smear. I didn't flush the toilet yet. I went ahead and got in the shower, but not before cutting the hell out of my foot trying to subdue a callus. Yeah, that's right. Let's recap the situation:
1) There is a dead spider in a wad of wet paper towels in my toilet.
2) The heel of my right foot is bleeding profusely.
3) I am showering.
4) It is pouring down rain (added effect).

I got out of the shower and proceeded to attempt to dry myself while avoiding leaving bloody footprints everywhere. This doesn't sound difficult, but in reality, it is. I get my foot halfway doctored up and I realize I haven't flushed Mr. Spidey yet. That's when I flushed the toilet.

About 15 seconds later, I realized that Mr. Spidey and his paper towel boat were not about to give up that easily. They had thoroughly clogged the toilet and now the toilet was overflowing into the bathroom. Of course, I start plunging it. Let's just say that the plunger at my apartment was highly inadequate, and this tactic was not very well thought out. Finally, after what seemed like 20 gallons of water flooded the bathroom and began flowing into my apartment, I got the water supply turned off.

So there I was, trying to keep my wounded foot out of the toilet water while concurrently trying to keep said toilet water from invading my bedroom. (sidenote: I also learned this weekend that my apartment isn't exactly what most people would call "level." Instead of the water sort of pooling up in the bathroom and maybe flowing into the hall, it made a 90 degree turn directly out of my bathroom and into the bedroom.) I'm yanking out all of the extra towels and throwing them on the floor to staunch the flow - on one foot, with a towel on my head.

Finally, I got the situation to a manageable position and proceeded to figure out a way to fix my foot and throw some clothes on so I could tackle the damn toilet. I plunged and plunged. After twenty minutes of cursing and mopping and plunging, I realized that I was going to have to call in the reserves. Joel to the rescue! When I called him I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry so I did both. He hopped on his trusty bicycle and high-tailed it to my place, where he plunged the toilet for another fifteen minutes or so. Once he confirmed my suspicions that the plunger that came with my apartment was woefully inadequate, I went to the hardware store to purchase another plunger. Joel was highly skeptical as to the size of the spider. Any normal size spider, he said, would never have clogged up a toilet that badly. At that point, I think he had visions of some sort of tarantula hanging out just past the curve of the toilet pipe.

Oddly enough, the couple in front of me in line at the hardware store was also purchasing a plunger.

We went to work with the new and improved plunger for about twenty more minutes to no avail, so I called my landlady, who was of absolutely no help, before the two of us called it quits and decided to just let water and time do its job on the clog.

I didn't return to my apartment until yesterday afternoon. As I opened the door, nightmarish visions of a renegade flooded toilet raced through my head, but everything was as we had left it. After about ten minutes of renewed effort with the new and improved plunger, VOILA! THE TOILET FLUSHED!

Of course, I disinfected absolutely everything even remotely involved with the incident. Now I feel better, but I think that there are better ways to start a Saturday morning. Oh, and in case you were wondering, my foot is fine, fully disinfected and healing up nicely. Strangely enough, the cut isn't that big. I guess your feet are kind of like your head - lots of blood vessels, so small cuts bleed like, well, big ones.

Maybe I DO Need a Helmet...

2006-09-15T19:06:00.000-05:00

Today was actually a pretty good day. Work has calmed down some, the sun was out, I got paid, and my assistant managed to not piss me off for almost two consecutive hours.

I was surprised, because it didn't start off well. I was five minutes later than my usual time to the bus stop (8:10 as opposed to 8:05). Now, in a normal, functional public transit world, I don't think this would have been a problem. The buses are supposed to show up ten minutes apart from each other and there are three buses I can take to work from where I live. Theoretically, there should be a bus that I can take at least every five minutes, if not more often. Today, that did not happen.

When I got to the bus stop, there were about 20 people there. We were all standing around, waiting, you know, like you do at the bus stop.

And waiting.

And waiting. After about ten minutes, I see a bus coming. Cool. Then I see the bus pass by my stop, filled with people and ready to pop. "No biggie," I think, "there will be another one along right behind that one, in just a couple of minutes."

Ten more minutes passed. At this point, people who got to the bus stop before me start walking north to the stop ahead of us in hopes of getting a seat the next time a bus decides to show up. I chill out - thinking "all of the buses must be in a big bunch. They're all going to show up in a few seconds." I see another bus! Yay! I can still get to work in time to get coffee downstairs!

Nope.

That one passes us by, also filled to the brim with commuters. This is when I start getting salty. I've now been at the bus stop for twenty minutes and been passed by twice, along with the rapidly growing crowd around me. We keep waiting. It's the point of no return for me after 8:25 - I've got to catch one of the three buses by my house. I can't cab it, walk to the train, or catch one of the farther away buses without getting to work late.

Finally, around 8:35, two buses come! AWESOME, Perfect! Except one of the two buses (no doubt the emptier one) leap frogs the bus that is stopped to, you know, PICK UP PASSENGERS, forcing about 40 people from my stop to cram onto the bus - which is standing room only, mind you. It was a glorious commute in traffic moving at the speed of molasses that ended with me elbowing my way out the door of the bus two stops early and run/walking down Michigan Ave. in order to get into the office at 8:55. I WAS AT THE BUS STOP AT TEN AFTER EIGHT! The thing that makes me the most angry is that I could have slept for twenty more minutes and gotten to work at the same time. ARGH!

And what have we learned today? I can either get to work at 8:20, or 8:55. There is no in-between. Thank you, CTA.

What's It Like to Breathe Through Your Nose?

2006-09-10T12:06:00.000-05:00

I've forgotten. True, I've only had a cold for two days now, but I really don't remember what non-decongestant assisted nose breathing is like. Added bonus? Everyone at work that I talk to on the phone thinks I'm REALLY sick. It's just a headcold people. I'll live!

It's disgusting and rainy outside today, so that means the buses are all kinds of screwed up. I suppose this has to do with the other people on the road driving like idiots because HOLY CRAP THERE'S WATER FALLING OUT OF THE SKY! EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!! I can understand a slower commute for this reason, but I don't really understand why there are about 5x the amount of people at my bus stop when it's raining as opposed to when it's sunny. Inevitably, these people are the same ones who will cram on the bus or not have exact change or let their umbrellas drip all over the place (basically unavoidable, but I'd like to lodge a complaint anyhow). This reminds me - I must check the seat before I sit down on my ride home today. The last two times I've ridden the bus on a rainy day, I've had the particular misfortune of sitting on a wet bus seat. This happens, apparently, because the City of Chicago purchased a rash of leaky buses. These are new buses, too. Not the suspect older models. The biggest problem is that the seats on the bus are covered in this really short, black, carpet-like material which serves a dual purpose: absorbing some of the water, and masking any sort of indication that a seat might be wet. There's really nothing better than spending a day at work with a soggy butt because you forgot to touch the seat on the bus before you sat down.

In other news, I watched football almost all day yesterday. Mainly because I was too sick to really pay attention to what was going on, but also because Joel now has an awesome plasma screen tv. This purchase may preclude any more outings to the bar to watch football ever again. On the flipside, it may also preclude Joel ever leaving his house again. The Bears won, so there's that. I actually understand enough about what happened during that game to have water cooler conversations. I'm a touchdown away from painting my chest and hanging around Soldier Field for scalped tickets in December...wait...no I'm not. Football is a good winter sport because it's on all day on Sunday and in Chicago, the weather sucks during the season. So, I can watch overpaid 20-somethings attempt to murder each other in the warmth and coziness of my very own couch, with a bag of candy corn at my side. This whole Midwestern thing makes more sense by the day.

As soon as I get home tonight I'm going to attempt to upload pics from my visit to Atlanta into Blogger. Then, maybe I'll update my profile. But only if you're lucky.

5:01pm, The Week From Hell, Etc.

2006-08-30T17:05:00.000-05:00

My week. Ugh, my week. It's really been nothing more than some serious daily grind, but damn. I was so exhausted on Sunday and Monday - add to that my surliness score of +8,000 - and I have just been a joy to be around!

On the bright side - I get to meet little Maggie this weekend and hang out with Hutch and the rest of the family. It's been awhile. I'm excited. I'm always excited to go to the ATL, though - just so long as I don't have to drive.

It's been rainy and disgusting here since Monday. Fall in Chicago is not as great as you would think. I'm starting to come back around to remember what it was like when I moved here - yep, it's rainy, windy and cold for most of October. I have to start thinking up what to be for Halloween this year. I know it sounds crazy, but I went to Wal-Green's last night and they already have the candy corn out. (Cara - I know you're excited.)

Oh, that reminds me! Yesterday I was walking to Wal-Green's from the bus stop and this guy was walking the same direction as me. Just fast enough to be like, right behind me with his umbrella dripping on me in the rain, but not fast enough to pass me. So I sped up. He caught up with me. Then I veered off quickly to go to the drugstore - HE VEERED! I was being tailed...on foot? No, not really, he was just being a jerk and doing the pedestrian version of tailgating. Seriously people. What is up with that? It could have been worse, I suppose. He could have been having a loud conversation with someone about how he would never take a horse and carriage ride because "what if the horse got spooked by a rabbit or something and took off running?!" But that wasn't him, that was the girl that Joel and I sat in front of on the bus the other day. Alas, I digress.

What I've realized is that it's not people on cell phones that bother me. It's people having stupid conversations that I don't want to listen to - regardless of whether the person to whom that are speaking is present or not. This holds especially true on public transit - as mentioned by Melissa the other day. I mean, if you're commuting in the morning, the last thing you want to hear is someone's loud ass conversation with their significant other, or buddy, or mother, about whatever it is that is so important it couldn't wait until after 7am.

So yeah - all you people out there walking too close and talking too loud - you better watch yourselves! I might do something like move away from you very ferociously the next time we meet.

Welcome, Miss Maggie Lee!

2006-08-19T15:21:00.000-05:00

I have a niece! She was born today around 1pm (eastern). I really can't wait to meet her, although I'm sure she won't remember this meeting! I'm so excited for Jennifer and Lee. It's so awesome to welcome a new member to the family. Only thing is, they keep taking all the good names. I mean, really. I'm going to get left with Cleatus at this rate.

I can't wait for pictures, even though tiny babies pretty much look alike. I hear Jen was the amazing trooper that she is and everything went great.

Congratulations, Ezells!

Politeness, It Really Does Go A Long Way

2006-08-09T19:12:00.000-05:00

I just realized today that people in Chicago are very polite for a big city. Just as an experiment, I made a concious effort to smile at people and say "thank you" today, and 95% of the people I came into contact with reciprocated! In New York, I was hard pressed to get someone to make eye contact with me, let alone speak. It's true, the midwest is different. Of course, there are exceptions.

Take, for example, the crazy lady in the movie theater on Sunday. Joel and I went to see Talladega Nights, which, by the way, was totally awesome. There's a secret scene after the credits - so if you go, you gotta stay! I had found out about the secret scene when we got to the movie theater because we were there early enough to catch the end of the movie, and I saw the tail end of it as the showing before us was emptying out. Anyhow, Joel and I and this one crazy lady sat through all of the credits. The lights in the theater were on - everyone else had left, there was another showing starting in 15 minutes, so the movie theater workers had come in to start cleaning the theater. The crazy lady starts YELLING at them: YOU CAN'T CLEAN THE THEATER YET! THE MOVIE'S NOT OVER!!! Mind you, the secret scene wasn't on yet. We're talking about the tail end of the credits where they list the names of everyone even remotely related to the movie, like "Special Thanks to Bob Reynolds' ferret, etc." This woman was livid! I mean, screaming at these teenagers, trying to get their names and everything so she could "report" them. I mean, really. How angry of a person must you be to yell at teenagers for doing their jobs? Given, there was still technically movie left, but it wasn't necessary to devote your entire attention to what was going on. The kids, as a matter of fact, were doing something more important - cleaning up other people's mess! I dunno - she's anamoly, but wow. Wow. I didn't wonder why she was at the movies by herself, that's for sure.

So yeah, back to my point. Most people here are really nice. Ready to give directions, say hello, say thank you, open doors and everything. It's nice. It makes everything just that much more liveable.

Here's To You, Song #681

2006-08-05T13:08:00.000-05:00

What's that, Bean? You're ready for the end of summer already? But just a month ago you were complaining that it was way too cold outside! You gotta pick one, buddy.

Well, the weather has finally decided to cooperate, and what am I doing on this fine Saturday afternoon? Laundry. I'm mildly pissed about this also because my condo association decided to raise the price of washing and drying to $1.25 per cycle, per load instead of the former convenient $1.00. That's a 25% increase! Are my clothes going to be 25% cleaner? It's not like the value of the washer and dryer are going up as I use them! If anything, the older the laundry room equipment gets, the cheaper it should be to do my laundry! I suppose the cost of electricity is on the rise (ComEd has had a rate restriction in place for the last 10 years here in Chicago. It's being repealed this year. They have made sure to spend plenty of money on television advertising to tell us that they aren't going to raise rates too fast and that service will improve, yada yada yada. This puts me in a quandary: I sure want them to spend money on ads, but I don't want to pay more for my electricity because of it! But I digress....)

So yeah, I'm back to Denison prices on the laundry. Otherwise, I have very few plans today. I bought a Clorox Ready Mop a couple of weeks ago, so keeping my apartment clean takes about 50% less time than before...that, and now I actually mop once a week instead of just waiting for my feet to stick to the floor. I went to the grocery store. I moved my bed back into the bedroom a couple of days ago. Yeah, due to the sweltering heat, I had been sleeping in my living room (next to the a/c unit) for the past couple of months or so. It was kinda awesome, paying rent for a one bedroom, but living like I had a studio. I still don't understand the thinking behind putting the only a/c unit in the apartment in the living room. I mean, most people can stand breaking a sweat while watching tv, but sleeping is when you really need it to be cool. I dunno - I think the thing was installed in the 1970s anyhow, so it was relatively new fangled up here at the time. At least it's only really really hot here about two months of the year, so it's not that big of a deal. Plus, me not having awesome central air keeps my electricity bills down, rate hike or no. Take that, ComEd!

Joel and I are running another race in a couple of weeks, a five-miler this time. Strangely enough, he talked me into it. I guess seeing me after the 10K didn't discourage him enough. Next time, I'll try to get heat stroke. There is an upside to this, though. I'm collecting race t-shirts at about the same frequency that I once collected sorority event t-shirts. The only difference is that wearing a shirt from a 10K to the gym or the grocery store doesn't make me feel like I'm 18 again. This race should be a lot of fun, there are going to be live bands playing along the way and at the after party De La Soul is playing, among others. That's right, De La Soul. It's cool, I'm just going to pretend like it's 1995.

Floyd Landis Isn't Doping - He's Just That Manly

2006-07-29T11:28:00.000-05:00

They're replacing the black top on the parking lot behind my apartment this morning. You know, because it's 90 degrees outside and what goes better with searing heat than hot tar? What's up with that? Why don't you ever see anyone getting their parking lot paved in the spring or fall? What a terribly hot job. It's got to be almost as bad as tarring roofs.

The new baby is almost here. I'm really excited to find out if I'm going to have a niece or a nephew! On Thursday, my boss had us all over for a cookout to meet his new daughter. She is SO tiny. I guess you don't see three week old babies very often, and when you see them on tv, they're just like everyone else - about 5 years older than the "stage age." You know, like that time Emmanuel Lewis played a newborn, or when Ian Ziering was supposed to be 17. Ian Ziering was pretty convincing. Most of the guys I knew in high school had receding hairlines just like him. I always thought it would have been more appropriate for him and Andrea to date, since Andrea was also 17 going on 45. I'm glad that both of those actors have found lucrative careers in Lifetime movies now - someone's got to stick around to make Susan Lucci look young.

Chicago is trying to get the Olympics. I can't be the only person in the city that doesn't want them. I love that people think Chicago is great - and it is - I just hate it when they all visit in one idiotic mass. I can't even begin to imagine how much getting to work and back is going to suck if the city invites thousands of foreigners to descend on the city. ON THE OTHER HAND...if there are any events even remotely close to my apartment, I could rent it out to people for a couple of weeks and make some serious cash. Hmmmm.... I know Becky did that when the Olympics were in Atlanta. Who knows? The other two candidates are LA and San Francisco, and LA's already had them twice. Maybe it would fun. I certainly wouldn't mind catching a few of the events...

The Glory of Modern Appliances

2006-07-07T12:42:00.000-05:00

My apartment is no longer broke-ass! That's right - I've not only got a new shower, a new kitchen faucet, but recently I discovered that my dishwasher is working as well. I find myself dirtying up dishes just to not have to wash them by hand. Extra bonus: in Chicago, you don't have to pay your water bill - that's included with the rent. WOOHOO for wastefulness.

Meanwhile, it's Friday around the office. My boss is out because his wife is having their first baby today. It was a scheduled C-section - don't even get me started - but it's exciting nonetheless. It's been interesting to see "the first baby" happen to someone I'm not related to. Now is the time when I tell Jen that I look up to her for yet something else: being a smart, cool, relaxed pregnant lady. After seeing boss and wife freak out about every possible little thing that could go wrong, I am once again very very glad that my older sister is so cool.

Four day weekends are pretty great. Mine would have been absolutely perfect if not for the sunburn I picked up on Tuesday. It was 75 degrees and super sunny here. You have to be careful with the nice sunny days, I'm learning. In Florida, I notice when I'm burning because it starts getting even hotter. Here, though, with the breeze, I didn't even break a sweat while turning my stomach a beautiful shade of red. It's okay though. I have aloe, and it's not been too hot outside, so I've been able to sleep in my apartment. I learned on Monday that I can't leave my air conditioner running for more than a day because the condenser ices up completely. I'm so glad I'm not a homebody, because I'd have to give it breaks and put up with the heat. THE HORROR!! This way, I just have to remember to turn it off while I'm at work or out running errands and all is fine. If I can get landlady to fix that, too, my apartment will totally rock. Don't hold your breath, though. It took 8 months to get a working faucet in the kitchen.

I took a Pilates class on Wednesday. I've decided that I'm going to try to get into the habit of Pilates two or three times a week. It's pretty hard when I'm in the class, but the soreness isn't too bad today, and I'm getting bored with other gym stuff. It's like at the gym, I suddenly get the worst case of ADD ever. I can't stick with the same exercise for more than 6 months (be it running, the elliptical, yoga, pilates, spinning, lifting) to save my life! Don't get me wrong, I'm still running, I've just become bored with it and I realize that if I don't change things up, I'll just stop going to the gym altogether. And that would be a waste of money.

Yay for random blogs! Yay for Friday!

Hot Time, Summer in Chicago...

2006-06-18T13:03:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, when Jennifer was here, of course it was like, 50 degrees and cloudy. Now that I don't have an eyewitness - it's been freakin' hot and muggy all weekend. Today's not too bad...it's supposed to rain, so it's quite overcast at the moment, but yesterday - GOO!

Both Jennifer and Joel have recounted last weekend's events quite well, so I will leave them. Suffice it to say, it was great to see Jen again. I'm so excited for the new baby. It's funny to think how soon it will be here and not know whether to expect a niece or a nephew, but that's a big part of the fun, too.

Joel is in California right now, so I've been left to my own devices this weekend. Yesterday I went to the beach with a girl from work, Jenny. The beach in Chicago is a perfect mix of bathing suits and people watching. Given, there are plenty of beautiful people, but there are also lots of people with unique tattoos, strange body hair, bad plastic surgery, and "interesting" choices in swimwear. A good time was had by all. Bonus: I'm starting to get a tan.

Today I woke up late and decided to go for a run. After downloading some music to coax myself out there, I was on my way. And guess what? It was a sucky, sucky run. I've come to the conclusion that most runners suffer through the 10% of their runs that totally suck ass for the 10% of the runs that are amazing. The rest of the time, you may not have a great run, but it feels good to finish an average one. Some days it's all I can do to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving. I'm learning that most of life is actually like that. Some days at work are AWESOME, some days are absolutely terrible, and the rest of the time, it just feels good to come home.

And now, it's time for a shower.

For The Functional Illiterates Among Us

2006-06-13T14:58:00.000-05:00

A post race interview, brought to you by the one, the only, the Six Foot Asian:

627 lb Woman, Half-Ton Man, 10K Race

2006-06-13T09:54:00.000-05:00

I finished my 10K!!! It only took 8 weeks of training. Man, it was harder than I expected it to be, but I did my best and my best this time was better than my best in the 8K I ran in March.

10K is 6.2 miles. The farthest I ran during training was 4.5 miles (lucky for me, I had the stomach virus a couple of days before I was supposed to run the longest run of my training - 5.5 miles. I walked a mile of that run because a) it was hot as blazes, and b) I had just gotten over puking my guts out). Needless to say, I was surprised at how easily that last mile slipped by. It was the damned 0.2 at the end that killed me. Funny thing is, while I was running, I started "hitting the wall" that people talk about, and the thing that was running through my mind was "it's not the 6 miles - it's the .2 that's gonna get me." Then, miraculously, Joel was there on the sidelines with a camera and a smile and all of a sudden I was sprinting across the finish...or what I thought was the finish. Actually, the finish was a little farther and I almost died by the time I got there. Lesson learned? Never start sprinting for the finish early.

The race was sponsored by United, and they were handing out huge ice-pops at the finish line. I can't tell you how awesome that big ice pop was after a race in the sun! It was so awesome that in an attempt to get at the juice that inevitably collects in the bottom of the plastic, I dumped it all over myself. D'oh!

So last night I chilled out with some TLC, and two of my favorite docs were on: "627 Lb Woman," followed by "Half-Ton Man." If there's anything that makes you feel good about being able to run (at all) it's watching the morbidly obese get gastric bypass surgery. I don't know what happens to these people, or which day it is that they decided they can't get out of bed, but it's always sad and slightly sick to watch them talk about how they continue to live their lives relegated to their bedrooms...where they can't roll-over, feed themselves, or wash themselves. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN??? What day is it that you wake up and all of a sudden you're just like, "Nope, I can't get out of bed. Might as well watch another hour of Maury Povich." What's the magical poundage? Is it the difference between 625 and 626? And then there's the surgical recovery, where, for instance, Jackie lost 200 lbs in the 3 months following her gastric bypass. 200 POUNDS! And then she only weighed 427 lbs. Can you even imagine losing 200 lbs...and then having 200 more to lose...and still be fat? And all that extra skin. ::shudder::

So yeah, I'll be running for the rest of the summer. This, however, is my week to cross train and give my brain and body a break from the same thing every day. I'm looking forward to some quality time on the elliptical trainer and my bike.

Aaaaaaand I'm Back

2006-05-26T19:15:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know, you all thought I had given up the blog. It's hard to say this, but cripes, man, my job really gets in the way of all my good blogging time!

IT'S FINALLY NICE IN CHICAGO! And guess what - I got to spend the last day and a half holed up in my apartment, praying for the stomach virus I picked up to go away. I don't know what the deal is - before I was 20 or so, I had never had a stomach virus. Flu? For sure. Strep throat? All the time. But stomach viruses? Nope. I was just thinking this morning that since I'd started the job I have now, I've had at least 5! Five! The first one was by far the worse. I'm a little skeptical about a couple of the ones I had whilst in New York, since the food there is not necessarily as "clean" as we would like for it to be sometimes, if you get my drift. But seriously, five stomach viruses? Maybe that's all of the possible bugs out there. Perhaps I've run the gamut and I'll be safe for another 20 years or so. I sure hope so. Ew.

So anyway, it's finally really nice here. 75-80 degrees and really sunny. The bad part about it warming up is that means I'm probably going to have to invest in an air conditioner soon. The worst part about that is that of course, my apartment has side-to-side sliding windows, so I'm going to have to buy something better than the $150 cheap-o a/c unit. (sigh) It will be well worth it when I can sleep. Who knows, maybe I live close enough to the lake to grin and bear it? Maybe the air conditioner from the time before I was even able to pick up stomach viruses in my living room will prove enough to cool the whole apartment. Hope springs eternal, but so does sweat.

At least I live close to a frozen yogurt store.

The Village Bicycle

2006-05-02T20:32:00.000-05:00

I bought a bike two weeks ago. No, not a Harley. A bicycle.

I never thought I would be so excited at getting two wheels at 25. Joel and I went to the bike shop, and the salesman showed me all sorts of bikes. My question to him was, "What's going to get me from point a to point b for the least amount of money without me looking like a complete idiot?" He found the answer. An hour later, I was on my way with a $174 Specialized "comfort" bike.

The "comfort" bike is like a mix between a moutain bike and a road bike (the kind Lance Armstrong has), except for you don't have to be in that really uncomfortable "aerodynamic" pose like your in a spinning class. And the seat's cushiony.

I live a block from the lakefront bike path, so feasibly, I could bike to work every day. The only problem is that there is no shower at work, so I would probably look pretty gross by the time I got down there. Nevertheless, I can take the bike to Joel's and back, and having the bike keeps me out of the gym on the nice days. Because really, who wants to be cooped up on an elliptical trainer on a beautiful Sunday afternoon?

Getting back into the habit of riding was kind of hard. I mean, I haven't spent much time on a bike since I was 9 or so, and even then, I was pretty unsteady - just ask my parents or my sister. I won't even go into the fact that I was almost 8 years old before I learned to ride one, and so big that even the sturdiest training wheels bent under my weight. Yeah, that wasn't embarrassing at all. Even so, I struggled through with Jennifer's old blue banana seated bicycle and earned a brand new purple bike on my birthday. It had a basket!

Alas, this bike does not have a basket. But I can take the front wheel off when I lock it up, and if I want to, I could always put playing cards or beads on the spokes to make cool noises. I even saw a girl on the bike path the other day whose bike had streamers on the handlebars. I don't think I'm cool enough for that yet.

I Got Served!

2006-05-01T20:55:00.000-05:00

Well, Teressa tagged me, so here goes 6 weird things about me:

1. My closet doors absolutely have to be closed before I can go to sleep. This has been a relatively recent development with my new apartment, but since the closets take up a whole wall of my bedroom, I just can't stand staring into that black hole as I go to sleep.

2. I hardly ever know the correct lyrics to my favorite songs.

3. I'm not really afraid of bugs at all. Unless they are bigger than my hand or take more than one whack to kill with a shoe. On the other hand, I despise cockroaches, mostly because they crunch when you step on them. It's grossing me out just to think about it!

4. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm definitely a morning person. The days that I can get up early, get my workout in, and get to work about a half hour early are always my most productive and happy.

5. I pick up most accents really well - even the Minnesota one. However, living in Ohio for school and now in Chicago, I've never been able to pull of the Midwestern thing. Funny, since I grew up in Western Kentucky, which is close, but not quite close enough.

6. I have very keen hearing - when I want to. I tend to overhear really juicy bits and pieces of other people's conversations, but I'll miss the sound of my phone ringing in my own apartment.

That's it! Now I have to go tag 6 people. Crap. Do I know that many?

A Weekend Away

2006-04-20T19:34:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, I finally got to use some much needed vacation. To say that I was getting burned out at work would be an understatement. However, since Jack lives in Boston, I had the opportunity to get in on the Fenway Park action last December. So I told him to get tickets for me for sometime eventually. Turns out, those tickets were for last Friday.

Boston is a really great city. Unfortunately, the last time I was there, it was about a million degrees. I'm serious. It was like there was no air. But not this time. This time it was a "Chamber of Commerce" weekend (as Dad always calls them). On Thursday, Jack and I went to the Museum of Fine Arts. It was pretty cool - and HUGE! They had rooms full of Egyptian artifacts including pieces of temples! There were these half broken columns that had been put back together, and it was a little disconcerting to stand near them. I mean, obviously they were very heavy, and they begged questions as to how they were put into the room where they were displayed, but the most disturbing thing was the obvious fact that the top 1/3 of these huge columns were obviously perched on top of them with no visible support. Yikes. Needless to say, I didn't spend much time in there!! Thursday night we hung out and drank some dollar drafts at The Avenue. Then, I passed out on Jack's futon while his roommate's cat, Clementine, sat on the coffee table near by, staring at me and meowing every ten minutes or so. I was glad not to be allergic, but not so glad that I had good hearing. Nonetheless, it was way cooler than a million degrees so I was able to push through and sleep until about 11 the next day.

Friday was game day. I broke down and bought a Red Sox t-shirt...and a hoodie. That's right. Another hoodie. Friday was another really nice day...until game time, of course. Then, it started clouding over. This is what the sky looked like at the beginning of the game:

As the sun set, however, we were lulled into a sense of "maybe it won't rain." Fenway is A LOT of fun. Schilling was pitching, the lines for beer were really long, but the crowd was a fun to be around. Case in point, check out the guy behind Jack, Amy and Matt (that's Clementine's owner):

Later on, a woman proceeded to stand in front of us, blocking the game, and talking on her cell phone. A man two rows back then yelled at her for about 5 minutes before she packed up and moved out (still on her cell phone). And that's the beauty of Fenway. Oh yeah, and the fact that it's also a good looking ball park. Check it out!

About an hour after that photo, the rain began. At first, it wasn't so bad, but then it became relentless. I ended up wussing out around the 7th inning and buying a poncho. The package said that it was reusable, but after we left the park it resembled little more than a scrap of plastic, which I guess, was what it was to begin with. I suppose I was wrong for wanting more for my $5.

I went to New York the next morning on a Greyhound. I would have had pictures of that, but I was busy sleeping. New York was great - I only got to spend about 23 hours there, but I loved every minute of it! Of course, I was right by H&H, so Rachel was nice enough to walk up there with me on Sunday morning so I could buy a half dozen to bring home with me. Man, I miss NY bagels. I miss the warm ones you can get right after they're made. Those, to me, are a little piece of Heaven. It was a great way to celebrate Easter.

I can truly say that I had a great, relaxing vacation. Now I know why vacation days are such a great bargaining tool in the work world. And oh yeah, that trip? It's going to be an annual occasion if I have anything to do with it!!

Saturday!

2006-04-08T12:41:00.000-05:00

This morning has been absolutely perfect so far. For one, I got to sleep in, but I didn't sleep too late, so I got to use the morning to do laundry. I got a chance to re-fold all the sweaters in my closet. I know this sounds completely mundane, but after a Chicago winter, this HAD to be done. My closets are in my bedroom - neither one is a walk-in. Also, the doors get left open a lot, and it's kind of bothersome to me when the door to the closet is open on a huge mess of sweaters. Plus, it's easier to find stuff in the morning when those things are organized.

(Okay, I'm totally rationalizing the fact that I'm fast becoming a neat freak. Deal with it.)

After my laundry, straightening up, and shower, I took a leisurely walk to the Starbucks that is (surprise, surprise) right around the corner from my apartment. After some coffee, I went to the grocery store. This used to be something that I really liked to do - and then I moved to the big city. Damn. It seems like the grocery store is ALWAYS busy here. I think this probably has to do with the fact that I've got that damned 9-5 Monday through Friday gig, but nonetheless, it becomes more and more of a hassle to navigate the aisles in my local Treasure Island every time I go. However, I've found that Saturday morning is a good time to go because I'm usually very relaxed and I have plenty of time to wait for the couples with kids and the grandma's to get out of the way so I can get to the bacon.

Which brings me to the most exciting part of my morning. I was in the produce section of Treasure Island when I noticed that the tomatoes are starting to come into season. My tomato passion is a new development. It all started last summer in New York. I got this craving for a BLT - with the "T". Up until that point, I had only ever eaten bacon and lettuce sandwiches. Still good, but boy, I really was missing out. Anyhow, the tomatoes looked good so I picked some up along with some lettuce, and you can bet that the BLT I'm about to make is going to be super yummy. I'm excited. The BLT signifies the beginning of spring for me, since the peak of tomato season is actually the peak of summer. Maybe I'm just trying to get the weather here to warm up. Either way, I just realized how totally lame it is that finding ripe tomatoes at the grocery store was the highlight of my morning.

Actually, this whole post is a great demonstration of what a big kick I get out of the little things. I'm just glad that I have two days a week during which I have time to enjoy them!

(That's the orchid that Joel gave me for our six-monthiversary. I'm going to attempt to keep this one alive longer than the one he gave me when I moved in. I'm already halfway there at one week!)

Dat Makes It An Even Baker's Dozen, Ted

2006-04-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

I'm having a bit of blog block. I'm going to blame the weather, because it's obviously not these things:

1 - Joel! The best! Six-monthiversary! Man, that is silly, but it's really really cute, too.
2 - Victims of Life Club. I seriously do not know how I survived without you guys for that first year or so out of college.
3 - New pictures of Hutch! Honestly. He really can't get any cuter.

Mom's coming to visit on Cinco de Mayo. I'm excited! I have to say that I'm getting the travel itch. It's been a while since I've had any days off or done any travelling. Next week, I'm headed to Boston for a Red Sox game. I'll be honest, it's going to be tough to readjust to the "Go Sawx!" as opposed to "Go Saaaaaachs!" Gotta love that Chicago accent.

Speaking of which - I've gotten called out on my southern accent more than usual these days. I don't know what it is. I must be talking about things that bring it out or something, but I've been in Chicago for about six and a half months now, and the sum total of times people have noticed the accent before this week was probably 5 times. I can cite 5 separate times THIS WEEK ALONE that someone said something. Perhaps my normal accent is coming back out after laying dormant while I tried to avoid picking up the Chicago one. The thick Chicago accent - NOT ATTRACTIVE. Basically it conjures up visions of the Superfans.

So yeah, that's about it. I'm going to get back to doing nothing. I think there are some reruns of Modern Marvels on the History Channel that need watching.

Yep, Still Winter

2006-03-28T19:19:00.000-06:00

I'm in the middle of doing laundry right now. I think one of the few things I miss about Atlanta was having a washer and dryer in my apartment. I mean, thank god they're being put to good use in Jen's basement, but it's really a shame I couldn't just set them up in my living room here. It's not so much the flights of stairs between the laundry and me that are bothersome. It's more that the washer and dryer are in this very dungeon-esque room in the basement of my building.

When I first moved in, I was reading It by Stephen King. This is not a good book to be reading if you need to go to the basement of your building for anything...let alone something involving water. I'm still getting over the idea of that creepy-ass clown coming out of the drain pipe when I'm down there.

Fortunately, the washers and dryers are cheap and almost brand new. I live in a pretty small building and the empty laundry room is definitely an advantage. The washers are the EXACT same ones we had at Denison. And funny enough - there are two washers and two dryers for this whole building just like at Denison. Except for half as many people live here and there is a laundrymat around the corner, so there are options if you absolutely have to get clean sheets. Also, there aren't 20 something boys trying to stuff the things full of two months worth of laundry, either. So there's that.

But I still hate doing it. When I'm rich, I'm definitely sending my laundry out. Or at least getting a laundry room!

My Liver Hates Me

2006-03-20T16:04:00.000-06:00

Well, I survived last week, so it's time for the post I promised about St. Patrick's Day 2006 (and by St. Patrick's Day, I mean 3/11 - we Chicagoans like to throw down the weekend before the actual St. Patrick's Day date) .

It began innocently enough. Joel and I met up at my place and put on our ceremonial green. Aren't we cute?

Just as a note, I'm wearing my "Eric Hutchinson is Pretty Good" t-shirt. And he is. He's going to be in Chicago on 4/6. I'm going to the concert even though Joel has to be a grown up and go to a three day conference. "Eric Hutchinson is So Good That I've Recruited A Group Of Friends To Go See Him Even Though My Boyfriend Has A Work Conference" is a little long to put on a t-shirt, though. So, I'll stick with what I have.

The funny thing about the green is that as I was getting ready, I laid out all of my green t-shirts to see which one I wanted to wear. I did a quick count. Get this - I have ELEVEN green t-shirts. ELEVEN! My office is business casual - I can't wear t-shirts Monday through Friday. Somehow I've got a 99% chance of wearing a green t-shirt every day I'm able to. I only have to wear each t-shirt 10 times a year and that covers every day of every weekend!! Maybe I should branch out to blue or pink. Then again, maybe I should strive for a closet that looks like Marge Simpson's. It would certainly take the guesswork out of weekend wardrobe. I'd have to really kick up the workouts to rock that green tube dress. But I digress...

We started out the day around 1pm with a lunch a Jimmy John's. Nothing exciting really - but very tasty. Then, we met up with Joel's friends Garrett, Jen, and Dave (aka Piro). We bar hopped around Wrigleyville for about three hours or so before stopping to get a second lunch. Magically, while on the way to second lunch, we bumped into Jon and Melissa. Emily met up with us at second lunch and the group was ready to "get serious about drinking."

Oh, and the weather was unseasonably warm - almost 60 degrees, really sunny. Perfect bar hop weather, really. The day wore on. We drank some more. At one point we were the only people in this bar called Slugger's. Slugger's is cool because there is Skee Ball upstairs, along with batting cages and stuff. I'd love to say that I schooled Joel in some Skee Ball, but I didn't. We still won enough tickets to get two super bouncy balls. In retrospect, the "batting cages at a bar" thing scares me. I mean, let's give drunk guys bats and allow them in front of a machine that shoots baseballs out REALLY fast. WOOHOO for accidents waiting to happen!

At Slugger's I decided it would be a good idea to order 25 hot wings to share. Hot wings are good, don't get me wrong, but 25 of them in semi-darkness when you're semi-wasted just leads to a big freakin' mess. After finishing my contribution to the wing bonanza, I was covered in sauce. So covered I had to go wash my face off in the bathroom. Good thing it's dark inside the bar. I'm so attractive when I'm drinking. And lady-like, too! Speaking of being an attractive drunk:

Yeah, I know.

There's this weird phenomenon with the sun where it goes down and then it gets dark outside. When we went into Slugger's it was a bright and sunny day. When we left it was quite dark. We decided to go to Piro's house for some reason. On the way, we decided it would be a good idea to stop by the liquor store, because obviously we hadn't had enough to drink already. Outside the liquor store, I found a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses (in the case!) on the sidewalk. Of course I picked them up. My sunglass collection is now 100% larger.

So here I am at the end of the night:

Was I smart? Is that Ginger Ale? Nope. That's Red Bull and Cherry Vodka. Not really a good idea. Although it did give me wings enough to get my butt into a cab and head home. Lesson learned: I'm almost too old to drink like this. And my liver hates me.

St. Patrick's Day: (Your Subtitle Here)

2006-03-10T18:20:00.000-06:00

Well, the Chicagoans really throw down on St. Patty's. They dye the river, they have 8 million parades, and most of all, they drink. Now, I'm not Catholic, or Irish for that matter, but you really have to love a Saint on who's day you have every excuse to get rip-roaring drunk.

Joel's friend Garrett has organized a miniature pub crawl for all of us. Can I just say that I'm afraid? Very afraid. I say "miniature" but the thing includes 11 bars. "Miniature" only refers to the fact that there are only going to be 15 or so people out on it. Luckily enough, I have a plethora of green t-shirts to choose from. My liver is going to hate me by Sunday. That's okay, though, it's really nothing new. It had four years of practice before my current two and a half year hiatus. I think two or three weekends a year it really does like to get out and stretch its legs. (My liver, that is - it really does have legs. It used to use them to kick me from the inside for being such a moron in college.)

Oh, are you confused? The Chicagoans (We Chicagoans? Am I one of them now?) do the St. Patrick's Day thing on the weekend BEFORE St. Patrick's. Since this year St. Patrick's Day falls on a Friday, they're doing the river dyeing and the big parades this weekend, which means that we'll still be celebrating on 3/18, too, and the Friday of actual St. Patrick's day.

It's funny, this is the first year of St. Patrick's that I've kind of felt like a poseur for getting all excited and wearing green and stuff. I think it's because my boss is Irish. I mean that he grew up in Ireland, not that his grandparents did (well, his grandparents grew up there, too, but he moved here after growing up there... you get my point.) Not that it makes those of you with Irish heritage any less Irish. He just has a way cooler accent. It's like, what the hell am I doing getting all excited to party down for the patron saint of a country to which I've never been?

Obviously, it's time for me to stop thinking and start drinking.

Be prepared for pic-a-rama Sunday! I love the internet!

It's Not Called The Windy City For Nothing*

2006-03-08T19:43:00.000-06:00

I have this theory. The direction of the wind in Chicago is determined by whatever will make my hair look the worst while I am outside. I know it sounds selfish, but I think I'm on to something.

For one, the wind kicks up every freakin' time I step outside. Maybe this is because I spend most of my time in the building, and the wind is blowing all the time outside and I just don't notice. That would the be the easy explanation, but I think something a little more sinister is afoot.

Secondly, that wind is always at the worst direction it could be for my vanity. I see women all over the city whose hair isn't mussed by the gusting off the lake, but oh, not me. Nope. If I'm walking and the wind is to my back, then my hair is being blown into my face. If I turn a corner in hopes of, you know, being able to see, my hair continues to be blown into my face! It's almost like my hair is on a mission to blind me. And don't even get me started on the bangs. The bangs look so good inside. Sideswept. Sylish. Outside? Not so much. How's "finger in a light socket" for a mental image? Yeah, it's sort of like that, but with more tangles.

Oh, and now it's rainy, so also humid. Ahoy 80s style volume! If only I could fry it up with a perm and call it a day. Or cut it all off and not look totally masculine. Some people think long hair is sexy...but what's so hot about having your hair in a big tangled mess in your face all day?

And while I'm on the subject, I burned up another hairdryer last week. The replacement I got is one of those "ionic" dryers. I'm SO tempted to pull a Consumer Reports on this thing and see if it really lives up to the hype. This one has a button that can control how many ions it puts out. Yeah, right. Next they're going to start putting buttons on hairdryers that can control the weather, because in case you haven't read the rest of this post that's what actually effects my overall "look." Not some measly spewing of ions for ten minutes in the morning.

*I know that the story is that "Windy City" came from the "hot air" that all the politicians in the town bellowed out back in the day. Nice try, Chicago. You're not fooling me. It's freakin' windy here. Just own up to it.

#320

2006-03-07T21:45:00.000-06:00

"Not wanting to do something, but not wanting to not do it."
from Don't You Just Hate That: 738 Annoying Things by Scott Cohen

Leslie sent me a Christmas gift some time in December. It arrived yesterday. There were chocolates (probably the first I've ever disposed of forthwith - 3 months in the mail? No thank you) and this book. It's just a list, really, 738 annoying things, but it's so awesome. Basically, it reminds me a lot of the lists on my blog as well as the lists we used to make in college.

#320 brings up memories of my mantra: "Don't go." This was my standard reply to every complaint in the room during Senior year of college. Por ejemplo (that's Spanish for "for example):

Cara: I don't want to go to class!
Me: Don't go.

or

Maegan: I don't want to go to the lab!
Me: Don't go.

or

Me: I don't want to go to class!
(silence)

See, even procrastinators need moral support. Misery, laziness, drunkenness - they all need company. Every state of being needs a champion. I without those two words, "don't go," my roommates and I surely would have fallen into the trap of attending class when the weather was nice, or terrible, or when there was a really good Oprah on. The "don't go" was so simple, yet delivered so succinctly and cheerfully that it was nearly impossible to resist. Besides, who wants to sit through senior seminar when a rerun of Trading Spaces is on?

Project Runway Is The Best Show Ever

2006-03-04T18:35:00.000-06:00

I'm in the middle of a Project Runway marathon. Oh My God...I love this show. I love that it's on all the time, and I love that it's so very...girly. I'm definitely setting the timer on my VCR for the finale on Wednesday night, and you should too. I don't care about your "notes" or your "papers" or your "work" or your "three jobs." WATCH THIS SHOW! And now, as I step off my soap box, a couple pieces of news:

1) I ran 3.5 miles today. This is officially the farthest I've ever run. It's really cool - I mean, I'm still alive and I actually feel pretty good. Now it's time to go undo all that good for me stuff with a crapload of food and a few beers. Ah, balance.

2) I officially have high-speed cable internet in my house now. Hence, the Saturday blog. I know, I know, pick your jaw up from the floor. The best part of the story? To come set it up, the technician was here at 730 am. Yeah, a little early to make small talk with the cable guy, but I've had internet ALL DAY. It's so amazing. I feel like it's 1995 and I've just sent my first email.

So yeah, just a blog for the sake of blogging. Smells - Clare

Smarch

2006-03-01T11:15:00.000-06:00

Ah, Smarch. It was supposed to be 53 degrees here today. When I checked the weather this morning, though, they are reporting a high of 43. That's 10 degrees, people! That's the difference between my heavy coat and my only sort of heavy coat. A skirt or pants. Being a weatherman in Chicago probably sucks pretty hard, but it would be nice if they could be right all the time!

I'm in disbelief about so many things. Let me list a few:
1) Joel's iPod failure. Does this spell doom for Frank? I feel like a couple whose friends have had a bad divorce - on the one hand I feel even more grateful for Frank's steadfastness, but on the other hand, I wonder if it will happen to him, too. Will he crap out on me when I need him the most? Only time will tell. And if time tells me that he's a piece of donkey-doo, then I will replace him. Quickly and without remorse. iPod Nanos are supa-sweet.
2) It's freaking March. I feel like I just got here. All of a sudden I'm on the sixth month of life in Chicago? What's up with that? It's weird, being in one place for such a long time and knowing that I'm definitely going to be here for a good while longer.
3) On the March thing - That means it's almost St. Patrick's Day! (Happy Birthday Mom!) I have to say that I'm more than a little excited about the celebrations here in Chicago. I mean, these people get serious. They even dye the river green! I suppose that's not really a big deal for the Chicagoans, considering the city used to use it as a main sewer line out of the city. Oh yeah, don't know if you just read that link, but they reversed the flow of the river in 1900 because the city's drinking water (from Lake Michigan) got contaminated. You know, on account of all the dead cats and sewage in the water they were pumping out into the water supply. Ah, the industrial revolution. What couldn't it do?
4) I ran 3 miles on Tuesday morning and it sucked. It sucked more than any run I've taken thus far. I think that's probably because I gave blood on Monday night. Note to self: don't do that again! Who knew that extra pint gave you energy and made your heart not hurt?
5) I still don't have curtains in my bedroom. This hasn't been too much of a problem (my apartment backs up to an elementary school - I'm never there when it's open.) until last night. Last night some schmoo left the lights on in the gym. Much to my dismay, it was as if there was a rather large full moon DIRECTLY OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW. All night long. I'm looking into curtains today. Buying them. I'm looking into buying them, you sicko.

THE TUSSIN

2006-02-23T12:46:00.000-06:00

Alrighty. So Margaret just posted a tirade about the Health Center at Marquette - and you know what? It sounds just like the Health Center where I went to college. We fondly referred to it as Whisler, because that was it's name. Here is a list of maladies and proposed cures compiled over the four years I was there:

1) sore throat, fever = Tussin, are you pregnant?
2) lump on my neck, very tumor-like, after an upper ear cartilidge piercing = wait it out*, are you pregnant?
3) sore throat, fever = wait it out, are you pregnant?
4) bronchitis = Tussin, are you pregnant?
5) sore throat, swollen tonsils, huge fever = First - strep test, Then - Tussin, Finally - two rounds of Zithromax (That's some good times, folks. Good times!) Oh yeah, and are you pregnant?
6) glob of mascara under the eyelid (not me, folks) = pregnancy test, Tussin

I never actually got asked to take the pregnancy test, but the Nurse Practitioner ALWAYS asked about the possibility of pregnancy before asking anything else. Good thing she also remembered to remind me that those two weeks of Zithromax had a good chance of messing with any sort of oral birth control I might have been taking. I suppose if they had reduced the risk of me being pregnant then they wouldn't have gotten to ask the question they so loved.

*This time, the nurse practitioner said "That looks like a swollen lymph node. Your new piercing is probably infected. I don't want to tell you to take it out, but if you want to wait a couple of more days and come back, I can look at it again." I'm not an idiot! I took the earring out. The lump went away. Lump - 0, Tussin - 0, Not having cartilidge piercings - 1.

Is It Obvious That I Sell Television Time For A Living?

2006-02-21T16:21:00.000-06:00

Joel and I watched 40-Year-Old Virgin this weekend, after all of our friends told us time and again that it was "SO FUNNY" and that we "HAD TO SEE IT!" Alright, maybe I'm a cynic, but this movie was at best, good. I mean, it was solid, but it wasn't great. If I had had to go to the dreaded movie theater, I would have been miffed that it wasn't as good as everyone said. Then again, Joel and I decided that the main problem with the movie was that it was too long - perhaps the unrated DVD version had something to do with that? I mean, 2 hours and 10 minutes for a comedy is just too damned long! Don't get me wrong here, all of the scenes were funny, but there were way too many of them. That coupled with a few plot contrivances led to the movie feeling more like three movies than one. By the time we got to the hour and forty-five minute mark, we were both asking when it was going to be over. There were so many plot threads! I really didn't need that many details, and wrapping them all up just got tedious by the end.

Other new developments involving Steve Carrell? I picked up an "Office" habit (the show on NBC - Thursday nights, 830-9p EST) recently. I had watched the British version on DVD, and to be honest, I didn't think that the American version was going to be nearly as good. I was wrong! If you get a chance - check it out! I had actually thought that My Name Is Earl was going to be my new favorite show, but I was wrong. Now I make sure that I'm home and on the couch by 830 on Thursday just to watch The Office. However - I'm suffering through Olympics right now before it comes back.

Speaking of which...could they show more curling? I feel like I've probably watched 5 hours of Olympics total and about 4 of those have been curling. It's strangely addicting. It's like this weird cross between bowling and shuffleboard. I would probably like it a whole lot more if the commentators gave me a run down of the equipment, players and rules every time a match was on. We're not all from Minnesota, people! That being said, the commentary is pretty hilarious, mainly because it's like they're speaking an entirely different language. And the one guy has a wicked thick Canadian accent, which is always fun to listen to. I know Margaret's a curler, but to the rest of the world, your sport is kind of confusing! Interesting, but confusing. I'm with Margaret on the players sounding like yipping dogs. I'm sure there's an interesting and fun drinking came to be made out of curling, but I've yet to understand the rules of the game itself enough to try to make one up!

So...yeah...I hope everyone had a great President's Day. I'm sure glad that Lincoln and Washington had birthdays in the same month - I just wish we still had BOTH days off. Lazy much? You betcha.

Blahg

2006-02-17T15:26:00.000-06:00

Like any job, my job sucks royally sometimes, even though I feel like I'm quite competent 99.9% of the time I am here. For instance, today I got inundated with requests requiring absolutely immediate attention right at 12n. I had to handle all of them by 3p (half an hour ago) so the storm has passed. It's just freakin' annoying that there are days that I can't plan on eating, you know? And absolutely none of it is under my control. I suppose this is just a really good example of how the corporate machine can run a person over if they aren't careful. This is why I believe in taking my vacation days, come hell or high water, and also trying not to feel bad if I miss work. Seriously, the machine grinds on without me - getting caught in the gears is only going to be to my detriment.

I suppose the good part is that I'm overwhelmed for about two hours and then, one way or another, the time passes and it's overwith. On the other hand, the residual stress is enough to wake me up early on the weekends, wondering when my alarm clock is going to go off and trying to decide whether I need to go to the office on a Saturday.

I've been having a very "I miss college, I'm not happy with anything, I'm tired, I'm bored" kind of week anyhow, so here's a list to cheer myself up:
**It goes without saying that Joel and I are doing awesomely! He's the best boyfriend EVER! However; since I don't see him at work, work can suck royally on its own. I'm sure that if he could fix it, he would. :)***
1) IT'S FRIDAY!
2) I'm getting my hair cut in a week
3) The sun is out!
4) My running is going well
5) I get to sleep in tomorrow
6) My work for the day is basically done
7) I get to see Brokeback Mountain tonight! Yum, Heath Ledger.

Okay, that's better. Yay for Friday!

I found out today that I have a Denison Singer's Reunion coming up in June. I am SO PUMPED. It's so nerdy, but I love those things. Every time I go to one, I vow that I'm going to start singing again...maybe this time I'll actually do it...hmmmm....

That's about it - totally a rambling, venting blog day, but a blog nonetheless. Make that #8 - I've gotten back on the updating bandwagon!